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The Pick Up: How to Tell if She is Going to Cheat
  • August 02, 2012 : 12:08
  • comments

“Hey,  I want to see if your best instructor can seduce my fiancée. If he can, I pay you triple and cancel the wedding. If he can’t, I pay your regular private training and I have my bride.”

I got this email a few months ago. We didn’t take the client — our mission is to help guys succeed with women, not run sting operations — but I see where he’s coming from. How can you tell if someone is going to be faithful?

There was a study in Great Britain back in the 1980s where they took DNA samples from test subjects and their parents to see how cancer-resisting genes were (or weren’t) inherited. I don’t know what they concluded about cancer, but I do know that they looked at the samples again a few years ago with modern technology and discovered something shocking:

About one in 10 test subjects was not actually related to his or her “father.”

Women don’t cheat any more than men (or any less, given the same opportunities). But it pays to do your due diligence — let’s look at three simple rules, in order of importance.

  1. Most of all, it’s about her

Some women will never cheat, no matter what. Some women will always cheat. Most are somewhere in between. In my experience, the biggest predictor of whether a woman is going to cheat is whether she’s done it before.

How do you find that out? Ask her — as soon as possible after meeting her, so she’s not as worried what you might think. Make it easy and comfortable for her to be honest; for example, tell her a story about a female friend of yours who ended up cheating on her boyfriend because he was so awful to her and eventually broke up with him. Tell the story as if your friend’s actions were perfectly normal and acceptable, then ask the woman if she’s even been in that (or a similar) situation.

People do change, but if your partner has cheated on every other man she’s been with, your odds aren’t very good.

       2. Second, it’s about the relationship

That’s where the quality of the relationship matters. Many women cheat when they’ve mentally checked out of the relationship (though many other women weren’t planning to end the relationship before they started cheating — and then rationalize that they must have been about to break up, because why else would they have cheated?).

It’s not just about being a good boyfriend, though this is important. Women tend to have a greater variety of emotional needs than men. Make sure you’re giving her that variety. If you’re a bad boy type, surprise her with romance. If you two have a routine, break it with spontaneity. Don’t be boring or inaccessible, or you’re just asking for trouble.

       3.   It’s only a LITTLE bit about opportunity

This is where most guys go wrong. They’ll spend hours grilling their partner on where she was and who she was with and why her phone wasn’t on, but won’t invest that time into the relationship instead — which would be far more productive.

Let me tell you three little secrets about this:

    • Unless you go all CIA on her, there is no way that you can keep tabs on your partner 24/7. Don’t even try. If she wants to cheat, she’ll find a way. That’s why the first two rules in this article are so important.
    • If you are often suspicious of her, you will probably drive her to cheat. I can’t count how many people have told me that as long as they’re getting punished for cheating, they may as well get some enjoyment out of it.
    • Don’t trust your intuition. When a woman is suspicious that her man is cheating, she’s usually (not always) right. When a man is suspicious, in general, it doesn’t mean a darn thing.

Don’t be a fool. The night you and your partner have a big fight and she’s had a few too many drinks and you’re at some celebrity party probably isn’t the night you want to leave and tell her to find her own way home. But in general, work on your relationship, not on your suspicions, and choose the right woman to begin with and you’ll be fine.

Nick Savoy is President of Love Systems, the largest and most successful dating and pickup artist coaching for men. Check out the Love Systems searchable archive of free dating advice.

read more: Sex and Dating, sex, relationships, the pick up

15 comments

  • Waitwut
    Waitwut
    I find it really hilarious that this article is all about not having your girlfriend cheat on you, on a website advertising naked girls everywhere for YOU to look at.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Was a gr8 lesson to me.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    These are really good insights. I'm going to screen my women from now on!
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    who's the girl in the picture?
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Reading this was like getting the "Director's Cut Commentary" on why all of my relationships have failed up to today. Sad but eye-opening reading.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Very good article... I want more from the same author...
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    fantastic insight. This guy knows his female psychology!!!
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    You are one of the firsr ppl to make ne sence an pretty much told me how i went wrong, thanks alot again nick
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    number 2 is bullshit why do you have to pander to her needs
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    so as i read it all comes down to happiness in the relationship. ive never cheated on my wife (or past gfs) but the thought has crossed my mind, say, if we have a huge fight and she starts ignoring me for a week or two at a time. when things are great between us, shes is the best ever and my thoughts are of her and her alone.
  • yabbo
    yabbo
    Some women aren't right at all when they' suspect cheating. They're just fucking paranoid for one reason or another...or many.,,,
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    1. You don't have to go all CIA on someone to catch them cheating, simply check on **** that doesn't add up. 2. You can't "drive" someone to cheat. They either think cheating is wrong and will never do it or they have always been open to it.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Insist who's the girl????
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