“We shall now speak of love quarrels: A woman who is very much in love with a man cannot bear to hear the name of her rival mentioned, or to have any conversation regarding her, or to be addressed by her name through mistake. If such takes place, a great quarrel arises, and the woman cries, becomes angry, tosses her hair about, strikes her lover, falls from her bed or seat, and, casting aside her garlands and ornaments, throws herself down on the ground.” – Kama Sutra, Part II, Chapter X, “How to Begin and How to End Congress, Different Kinds of Congress, and Love Quarrels”
We’ve all been here, right? In the throes of passion, an incorrect name is blurted out and all hell breaks loose. The Kama Sutra’s description of the reaction is perhaps only par for the course; depending on the makeup of a woman, the ensuing aftermath once one has mentioned She Who Shall Not Be Named could be catastrophic (falling off her chair would be the least of your worries).
Thankfully, the Kama Sutra (always helpful) outlines the impending fallout:
“[After this has occurred] the lover should attempt to reconcile her with conciliatory words, and should take her up carefully and place her on her bed. But she, not replying to his questions, and with increased anger, should bend down his head by pulling his hair, and having kicked him once, twice, or thrice on his arms, head, bosom or back, should then proceed to the door of the room…”
“…Dattaka says that she should then sit angrily near the door and shed tears, but should not go out, because she would be found fault with for going away. After a time, when she thinks that the conciliatory words and actions of her lover have reached their utmost, she should then embrace him, talking to him with harsh and reproachful words…”
…Sounds about right….
“…but at the same time showing a loving desire for congress.”
There we go. See, even in ancient times makeup sex was totally a thing.
“Thus end the love quarrels.”