We’re going to shake things up a little this week. Not only to stave off middling and repetitive editorial practice, but because this quote could not possibly stand up front without an explanation.
We’ve heard the Kama Sutra’s thoughts on the type of gifts one might offer a woman to impress her. It’s also provided us with a long list of the signs that women exhibit when they are smitten. But this list really takes the cake. This, faithful readers, is the Kama Sutra list to end all lists. It is, without a doubt, the most absurd bunch of hooey we could find in the book. It is “The List of Girls Who Should Not Be Taken As Wives”:
“A girl who is asleep, crying, or gone out of the house when sought in marriage, or who is betrothed to another, should not be married. The following also should be avoided: One who is kept concealed. One who has an ill-sounding name. One who has her nose depressed. One who has her nostril turned up. One who is formed like a male. One who is bent down. One who has crooked thighs. One who has a projecting forehead. One who has a bald head. One who does not like purity. One who has been polluted by another. One who is affected with the Gulma. One who is disfigured in any way. One who has fully arrived at puberty. One who is a friend. One who is a younger sister.” – Kama Sutra, Part III, Chapter I, “On Marriage.”
That, my friends, is one comprehensive list. Worth pointing out is that we don’t know what the fuck Gulma is, but it sounds awful; girls with ill-sounding names makes sense (you don’t want to be saying “this is my wife, Helga Hornspat” for the rest of your life); but marrying a girl who hasn’t fully arrived at puberty is definitely a crime in every state circa 1891.