“In the same way can be carried on the congress of a dog, the congress of a goat, the congress of a deer, the forcible mounting of an ass, the congress of a cat, the jump of a tiger, the pressing of an elephant, the rubbing of a boar, and the mounting of a horse. And in all these cases the characteristics of these different animals should be manifested by acting like them.” – Kama Sutra, Part II, Chapter VI: On the Different Ways of Lying Down
In short: Get crazy. The Kama Sutra condones unabashed role-play, and while modernity has opened all kinds of doors (really, since humanity adopted dress codes, uniforms for certain professions), back in the Indian heyday animals were apparently the kink du jour.
And so why not today too, right? Congress of the Deer sounds pretty fucking sexy (though we’d advise steering clear of “the forcible mounting of an ass”; criminal definitions, along with cosplay, have come a long way). And who wouldn’t be turned on by a line like, “I wanna press you like an elephant, rub you like a boar”? Next time your lady friend tells you to stop acting like an animal, you tell her, “Baby, I’m gonna jump you like a tiger”; it’ll give being in the doghouse a whole different meaning.