4 Lesbian Sex Tips for Men with Jincey Lumpkin

By Playboy.com Staff

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<p>Sex expert Jincey Lumpkin helps us redefine what it means to get it on. </p>


Can straight men learn a trick or two from how lesbians make love? Are there some sex tips that the girls who love girls can teach us all, no matter who we are or how we do it? Sex advice columnist, former lawyer and lesbian pornographer Jincey Lumpkin says, “Yes!” 

We chatted with her to the get lesbian sex secrets to make better lovers out of all of mankind. Enjoy this first installment of Jincey Lumpkin’s sex advice for Playboy.com!

Playboy.com: Do you think men can learn anything from how lesbians get it on?

Jincey Lumpkin: For sure! Look, we get no sex education in this country. I know the only information I ever got was when my parents told me , “Don’t do it!” So being open to learning new things really puts you ahead of the game. Our culture’s limited idea of sex means we think of it as being one penis plus one vagina. This notion really robs us of the full experience of pleasure. I invite you to lift the pressure and think of everything done in the bedroom as sex.

Playboy.com: Is there something in the approach of how lesbians make love? Are there any major differences between how lesbian women make love and how straight men do?

Lumpkin: Obviously, the major difference is that lesbians don’t have a penis. So our response to stimulus is different. From my experience, and from listening to my friends who have sex with men, the main problem appears to be that there is a predictable and boring pattern to lovemaking. The couple kisses a bit. He plays with her boobs, takes off her clothes as quickly as possible. Maybe he goes down on her. She gives him a blowjob. Then the stick goes in the hole and the game’s over.

Boring! Boring for you, boring for her.

Here is my suggestion for an alternative: don’t try to put your penis inside her every time. Allow yourself the freedom to try something new. Taking away the expectation that your manhood needs to be serviced will open up new ways of getting each other off.

(Courtesy Jincey Lumpkin, photo by Dennis Ho)

Playboy.com: How do you define sex? Is sex penetration? If so, does that mean lesbians need a strap-on to properly have sex? Do you have to come from penetration for it to be sex?

Lumpkin: To me, “sex” is what feels good, feels sensual and gets me off. Masturbating in front of my partner is sex. Whipping her with a belt while she masturbates is sex. Oral sex with fingers inside me is sex. Even playing with her nipples forever until she almost comes is sex.Again, because of this procreative myth about sex, we often overlook the most delicious experiences. There’s no need for a strap-on all the time. I don’t really like to wear a strap-on at all. It makes me feel very uncomfortable and unsexy, but that’s just my preference. I don’t mind taking the strap-on, but I have to be in the mood for it. It can be nice for anal sex every once in a while.

My go-to method of coming is to lie on my stomach and touch my clit while my partner fucks me with her fingers. I like her fingers to go deep inside and push in a little bit more. Not so much in-and-out. I can come so easily and so hard this way. However, I love to have all different kinds of orgasms.

Playboy.com: What are some of the clichés about lesbian sex?

Lumpkin: There are a lot of misconceptions about lesbian sex, like, “Well, since you’re both women, it must be really soft lovemaking, right?” Um, no. I like rough sex. I like to slap, get choked, be fucked hard.

Also, there’s an idea that because we are women, we instinctively know what the other likes. Sadly, not true. Just like dudes, we struggle with learning about ourselves and our lovers. There’s nothing easier or more natural about having sex with a woman. Sensuality requires focus on the sensations in your body. Shame and negative feelings get in the way. You’ve got to tune that stuff out to make the most of sex.

Jincey Lumpkin, Esq. is the “Chief Sexy Officer” of Juicy Pink Box. She’s a former lawyer, a diva and a lover of breasts. She pens sex columns in both The Huffington Post and Curve Magazine. Known as “Lesbian Hugh Hefner,” Jincey is widely recognized as an expert in women’s sexuality, having lectured at TEDx & Harvard University. Out Magazine named her “one of the most influential gay people in the world.” Follow her on Twitter @JuicyJincey.

(Header image courtesy Jincey Lumpkin, photo by Victoria Janashvili)


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