Director: Garry Marshall
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Studio: Warner Bros.
Funny, lovable director Garry Marshall (Happy Days, Pretty Woman) must have a thing against holidays. Having already sullied last year’s all-star hit romantic comedy Valentine’s Day, he now slaughters another starry cast in New Year’s Eve, a sitcom-level movie packing all the fizz of a bottle of last week’s flat, cheap champagne.
Set before and after Manhattan’s iconic Times Square ball-drop, the movie flits back and forth among a string of dull, flimsy, sometimes interwoven anecdotes that could have been written down on a cocktail napkin. Quickly.
Zac Efron is a bicycle delivery messenger helping neurotic, repressed Michelle Pfeiffer tick off boxes on her bucket list. Pregnant young marrieds Jessica Biel and Seth Myers want to cop a prize for birthing the first baby of the New Year. Grouchy comic book illustrator Ashton Kutcher and backup singer Lea Michele strike sparks while stuck in an elevator. Halle Berry is a hospital nurse attending terminally ill Robert De Niro’s last hours on earth. Unmarried fashionista Sarah Jessica Parker argues over boundaries with her young teen daughter Abigail Breslin, who wants to sneak off to Times Square for a New Year’s kiss with her boyfriend. Rocker Jon Bon Jovi wants to win back caterer Katherine Heigl.
This thing is so filled with Oscar winners embarrassing themselves, the Oscar organization might want their gold statues back. What could possibly be next, Garry Marshall’s St. Patrick’s Day Massacre?