My Kind Of Mom: A Mother's Day Salute

By Playboy.com Staff

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It's almost Mother's Day and if your mother fits one of these profiles she might like the gifts we have to offer


Mother’s Day. A day to reflect on and appreciate the woman who brought you into this world and on more than one occasion has probably threatened to take you out of it. A loving woman, a kind woman, a woman who molded you into the man you are today through constant badgering and nagging and phone calls about peaches being on sale halfway across the country. A woman who fought for you and against you; a woman who told you to pick your battles and then picked one with you. Ah yes, mothers; both the bane of and reason for our existence.

A wise man once said, “Mothers are like crayons: colorful, delicate, diverse and they tend to rub off on you.” No one, of course, would actually ever say such a ridiculous thing, but it brings us to our point: all mothers are different, which means all mothers will respond and appreciate gifts differently. No sense buying your mother who’s never baked a day in her life a cookbook. That’s like buying a giraffe roller skates; they wouldn’t know what to do with them and they’d probably hurt themselves trying. If you’re not quite sure what your mom might like on her special day, maybe she fits into one of the following categories:

If your mother is…

JUNE CLEAVER

The stereotypical 1950s mother is unnaturally polite and polished. When she’s not spearheading a church food drive or a ladies’ auxiliary sewing circle, she’s baking cookies and hanging clothes on the line. You’d never catch a hair out of place or rogue speck of dust wreaking havoc in her home; if your mom is June Cleaver you probably had PB&J sandwiches waiting for you every day when you arrived home from school, you lucky son of a bitch.

She would want: Lush Legends Cosmetics Package

MAGS BENNETT

A hard-nosed, no-nonsense lady with good instincts and an ever-watchful eye. She likely ruled the house with an iron fist and a mercurial sense of justice. If you got away with something it wasn’t for long, and no lesson needed to be taught twice; you learned the first time. She was pleasant enough, but rumors probably swirled around the neighborhood that she was not a lady to be crossed.

She would want: Tory Burch Logo Stack T-Hobo Bag

ESTELLE COSTANZA

You probably haven’t called your mother today and as a result you have ten unanswered phone messages that range in temperament from frantic worry to scornful hurt, all ending in some variation of you not caring whether she lives or dies. The lord might as well just take her now! You have spent most of your adult life living in one long guilt trip. You love your mother (and you’ve probably had a series of crippling emotional relationships to show for it) but she doesn’t make it easy.

She would want: A Mother’s Day spa treatment at the Fontainebleau in Miami

CLAIR HUXTABLE 

The opposite of the Estelle Costanza, every time you try to get ahold of your mother she is busy being a high-powered woman in the workforce, climbing the social ladder in a man’s world and not taking shit from nobody. She’s a class act: worked 12-hour days but was somehow still home to put a roast on the table and available every night to tuck you in. She worked constantly while you were still in the womb and was on a call while you being born…and conceived.

She would want: An Alice + Olivia Paint Scarf 

CINDY BEUGLER 

Whether she forgot you at home due to the stress of the holidays or forgot you existed from the overdose of antistress medication she just downed with a pint of vodka, Cindy Beugler has the “means well but can’t quite get it together” mother down pat. If this is your mother, large gaps of your childhood have gone unrecorded, either from your own repressive memory or her blackouts. Just know that she loves you, even if that love is chemically induced.

She Would Want: An Eight Piece Travel Bar Set


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