It's the holiday season everywhere, even in the hood. Playboy.com caught up with some of the industry's rap legends to find out what they want for Christmas.
It may seem a little out of character, but evidence abounds that the hard knock life of rap stars is finely in tune with the holiday season; whether it’s Snoop Dogg’s (Lion’s?) Christmas album, Christmas in tha Dogg House or the compilation album from Death Row, aptly named Christmas on Death Row or Ice Cube’s Friday After Next, it seems no OG is too hard to get into the Christmas spirit.
And given hip-hop culture’s predisposition to material things, why not? This is after all the season of giving, of gifts, of glorious commercial enterprise and capitalism. It’s the flagship of Hallmark holidays, even if you’re living in the ’hood.
But what to buy the OG on your Christmas list? Well, along with dropping knowledge on y’all for almost two decades, the boyz in tha hood have also been dropping hints (and science…and English). In case you’ve missed them over the years (guys like Kanye and Ma$e can be unintelligible at times), let us get you caught up:
“Your chick shop at the mall/My chick burning down Bergdorf’s/Coming back with Birkin bags/Ya chick is like, ‘What kind of purse is that?’” – “30 Something,” Jay-Z
On the low end, Birkin bags will set you back about 10 grand, but as Hova so correctly points out, you’re buying so much more than a bag. You’re buying a lifestyle, a status, and anyone who ever told you you can’t buy happiness has obviously never bought his girlfriend a Birkin bag.
Air Force 1s
“Then I spent 400 bucks on this/Just to be like [ahem…black person] you ain’t up on this!/And I can’t even go to the grocery store/Without some Ones that’s clean and a shirt with a team.” – “All Falls Down,” Kanye West
Kanye’s consumerism lament was written before he completely flew off the handle and started writing straight pop stuff. Seriously, look back at College Dropout; he’s writing stuff with actual social value and commentary, touching on everything from taboos around being a Christian and college-educated to the hardships he’s faced in his life. Now it’s all “Ni**as in Paris” and acronyms for things we’ll never know. It lacks substance, but we’re getting off track. Classic OG gift here: Air Force 1s and matching jersey. We recommend the new Brooklyn Nets swag.
“I put hoes in NY onto DKNY/Miami, D.C. prefer Versace/All Philly hoes, dough and Moschino/Every cutie wit a booty bought a Coogi.” – “Hypnotize,” Notorious B.I.G.
Biggie basically finishes up your Christmas shopping in one fell swoop: four simple geographically centered lines. If we understand Mr. Wallace correctly, it appears females in New York prefer something like this, while in Miami (and D.C. for some reason, though it is not really apparent why they would have similar tastes) prefer this. Philly is easy: just fill a box with cash or find a wearable pair of Moschino jeans, but it’s the final suggestion that really takes the cake.
We didn’t even know what these were (and to think we’ve been listening to Biggie all this time, just mindlessly rapping along), but a Coogi is what you might affectionately know as a Cosby sweater. But seriously, these things cost a fortune.
“One’s diva’d out, keep her makeup tight/She got her good heels on wit her Jacob ice.” – “Fire,” Joe Budden.
Leave it to Joe Budden to give us our go-to: women love jewelry. The problem is that men are typically terrible at picking it out, and the result is a kind of eyebrow raising half-hearted smile followed promptly by an “Oh…it’s….so nice.” Piece of advice: take one of her friends with you to help pick it out. Or just go for broke and pick up the Cr17bk-4 (pictured).
Case of Bass
“Them boys want they music on blast, Don’t turn me down, turn me up everytime them cops rolls pass” - “Speakers On Blast,” The Game
The Game of course follows that rhyme up with this: “mashed on the gas, and I’m getting high, don’t ask, cause I got another ounce up in the stash.” Which is strange. Why he would want to draw the attention of the po-lice while he’s getting high, driving (obviously impaired) over the speed limit and, if we’re to understand him correctly, carrying quite a bit more “weight” in his car than just that he’s smoking. His logic eludes us but if he really wants to draw their attention he should get himself a pair of these bad boys from Case of Bass.