I’m the kind of gal that can go both ways (and no, guys, it’s not what you’re thinking). Whether it’s classing it up on the red carpet in L.A. or getting down and dirty on the banks of the Red River in Oklahoma, I can hold my own.
So when the guys from Hillbilly Handfishin’ called me out on a triple-dog dare to go noodling, I happily obliged because one, I would never back down from a triple-dog dare and two, I’m a Southern Georgia girl, born and raised, and I know a couple things about being a redneck.
Being down in the country reminded me a lot of being back home. From the moment I set foot on the four wheeler I could feel the inner me, the 14-year-old boy that is my sense of humor and fun trying to escape. Once we hit the water and were rolling around in the mud, it was over. I was a little tomboy again and up for anything.
Then we hit our first “catfish” hole. Now there are a couple things you ought to know about catfish holes. One is that they are huge. I’m 5’9” and I could fit my whole body in one. Two is that one of two things lives inside them: a catfish or a beaver. So when one of the guys stuck his foot into the hole to find out which one it was, I was surprised when a little beaver poked his head out the other side. Being the animal lover that I am, my first I thought was “Awww, look at the cute little beaver!” quickly followed by “OH MY GOD, RUN! IT’S A BEAVER!!” Word to the wise: beavers do not like being poked in the butt by humans. That little guy lost it. He started showing his butter-yellow teeth and snarling, and we all hauled ass out of the water.
After that I was a little nervous. After watching a beaver flip out, I didn’t want to stick my hand into another hole…
So I stuck my foot in instead.
Now these holes are deep, so when I say I stuck my foot in, I mean my leg. My whole body was underwater, almost up to my chin. Your foot literally becomes the fishing lure and then SNAP! A catfish bites and you yank him from his hole and out of the water!
And this ain’t no minnow we’re talking about. We’re talking about a 35-40 pound ugly-ass fish. Ugly and slimy and huge. But boy, was I proud. I forgot about all the mud and dirt and parasites living on maybe the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen. I was holding him, rocking him, cuddling him. I even kissed him. I was one proud mama that day.
But being a hot mess isn’t the only thing I’m good at (I am particularly good at it, though). I clean up pretty well, and after last year’s botched attempt to go the ESPYs, I planned this year’s well in advance. With my date on my arm and six-inch heels on my feet I took the red carpet by storm and let me just say, if the ESPYs had a best-dressed award, I would have won. Me and the handsome Evan Longoria looked damn good. I mean, we put the rest of the party to shame.
My only complaint about the ESPYs, which were otherwise amazing, had to do with one award, the Best Moment in Sports Award. Candidates included Game 162 of the MLB season, a moment that will probably never happen again; Derek Jeter’s 3000th hit, a rare hit if there ever was one; and the Cardinals/Rangers World Series Game Six showdown that included not one but two two-out, two-strike comebacks. And you know who won? Tebow. Tim Tebow won for a play that happens almost every week. On any given Sunday some team throws an absurd downfield pass to win in the final two minutes, but Tim Tebow’s won the best sports moment of the year? Are you kidding me!? Two of those four events will probably never happen again, and amassing 3000 hits is something that comes around only every so often. So why would something that happens all the time be a more deserving moment? I don’t know, but it’s obvious that Tebowmania is still infecting some sports people.
Wanna see how Jaime fared against the killer catfish? Check out the video below and stay tuned for more footage from Jaime’s weekend noodlin’ in Oklahoma.