It’s me, Jaime Edmondson, Playboy Playmate and former Miami Dolphins cheerleader. I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels this way, but I want you to know how this labor dispute is messing with my life. Just the other week I was on my way from Atlantic City to the Philadelphia airport when I passed by the Philly stadiums and arenas. At first I saw the Phillies stadium, then I passed the football field and the basketball arena was behind them. Sometimes it’s easy to forget that NFL training camp wouldn’t even be underway right now. I know teams are usually doing their mini camps at this point. But passing by Lincoln Financial Field and being reminded that there might not be football—there was a pain in my heart.
The field looked barren and empty and it had a depressing, ominous, dreary feel, like a cloud was over it. I know this might sound dramatic, but that’s how I felt. So I decided to write you a short list of my (selfish) reasons why you, the NFL, the players union and judges and lawyers need to come to an agreement on a new Collective Bargaining Agreement so Sundays will be fun come fall.
For the sake of all the people that work in the stadiums. I’m talking about parking, security and concessions. Obviously, it’s not just the players and owners who are affected. And many teams have actually let go of people in the front office because there hasn’t been any football. So I think that’s a serious reason why this new CBA should be hashed out.
Has anyone thought of how this is affecting the players’ families? How many football wives do you think are like, "Please, go, get out of the house!" You’re used to a routine. I know when I get out of my routine I go crazy. So let’s think of the poor wives, not just the players. Their families need a break, too. They must be driving them crazy at this point. They’re used to being at camp; they’re not used to being at home finding ways to fill their time. Everyone’s routine is affected but I think it’s funny to think of the scenario at home.
What else am I going to do on Sundays? Of course, this is my own personal reason. I have lived for Sundays because my stepdad was a New York Giants fan. He’s a stubborn Italian New Yorker. Growing up in my house, this is what I associate Sundays in football season with: my stepdad’s sauce cooking on the stove for nine hours while we watch all of the games shown locally. On Sundays I am used to doing nothing else. When NFL Countdown begins, the TV comes on and I’m in my pajamas on the couch watching football. And I pretend to do domesticated stuff. I pretend I’m going to do my laundry today, or clean my house while I’m watching football. But I spend more time running by the TV to see the game than ever getting Sunday chores done. So now I’m actually going to have to clean the house, and I don’t want to clean the house on Sundays! I don’t know what to do with myself now and it’s just the off-season.
This is going to sound gross. But the American Midwest man will love me for it: I am a chubby chaser. I do not like six-packs and men with muscles. I want a nice, good belly. I think it’s sexy when you see these guys in their tight uniforms. It’s eye candy for me. I’m a self-proclaimed gut slut. You can’t see guts on hockey players because they’ve got their big sweaters on. Baseball players for the most part, other than a few pitchers out there—hello, C.C. Sabathia—there aren’t many big players. But there’s nothing sexier to me than a 6'5" man with a belly.
So that’s all I’ve got. If I could, I would give my first-born son if it meant the NFL season will start on time. I don’t have him yet, but when I do…I’ll make a Rumpelstiltskin-like trade. Have you seen these birthing hips? I’m clearly going to make first-rounders. That’s why I’ve saved myself for so long. I’m what they call a breeder—I’m 5'9"—so I’m not giving these up until the time comes because I plan on having first-round draft picks come out of these hips. A coveted first-born son, I will give him to the NFL for football season. For me, that’s giving up a lot.
All the Best,
Home Run Derby: Me vs. Jimmy Traina
Starting this week, Jimmy Traina of SI.com and I will partake in a friendly home run derby challenge, something I'm hoping to do weekly against various sports media members and talking heads. The rules are pretty simple: We each pick three baseball players and whoever has the trio that hits the most home runs in a week wins. Check us out on Twitter this week for some friendly trash talk (@jaimeedmondson and @JimmyTraina).
The competition goes from Monday's games to Sunday's games. If I win, Jimmy has to admit he lost to a girl, which is pretty lame. If he wins, I'm taking Jimmy to see his beloved Yankees next time I'm in New York. Too bad he won't win! Check back next Monday morning to see who wins my inaugural Home Run Derby.
I hope you like my new blog as much as I like doing it! I'll be back next week with a special treat for Bruins fans. Let me know what you think in the comments or on my Twitter @jaimeedmondson.