Never ever, ever ask. If a happy ending is available, it will be offered—and usually sooner than later, because for the masseuse it means the massage is over, no matter how much time you booked. If you ask and it’s not on the menu, which is almost always the case, you will look like a creep, you will embarrass a professional who doesn’t deserve it and the session will end abruptly. It’s best to keep your mouth shut and avoid unhappy endings.
Sex-toy parties for women seem to be almost as common as Tupperware parties. But I can’t imagine a straight male attending one with other men. Does this indicate a tendency of women to be bisexual, or are they just more comfortable sharing their sexuality with other women than men are with other men? Is this why there are no toy parties for straight guys?—T.H., East Peoria, Illinois
Men are expected from puberty to magically know what they are doing in the bedroom; for many of us, admitting ignorance on the subject indicates weakness. That’s too bad, because lovers are made, not born. Some companies offer parties for couples, but the only person we know who has done the rare seminar for straight men is Lou Paget, of Frankly Speaking (loupaget.com) and author of How to Be a Great Lover. They’re tough to organize, she says, because they typically work best if all the men are strangers, and most parties are arranged for a group of friends. Paget says at the parties she’s done for straight men, she asks the participants not to mention what they do for a living (most recently the participants were a doctor, a tree trimmer, an attorney, a college student and a producer). If careers come up, “male ego takes over, and I want them to just be guys,” she says. When the men are strangers, “they know they’ll never see each other again, so they can ask anything about sex and not be judged. That’s a place most men have never been.”