Question: My wife and I hired a cute 20-year-old as an intern for our small business. Business mixed with pleasure, and she moved in with us. Being in a relationship with two women at the same time is taxing, but I love them both. After a few months my wife grew tired of the group sex and now wants sex only with me. Our housemate still wants threesomes but is willing to have sex only with me. I’m worn out and up at two a.m. for “personal” time to write to the Advisor for help. What should I do?—M.P., Santa Fe, New Mexico
Answer: Time for a three-way conversation. If your wife is willing to share you with your housemate, this is a scheduling issue. Even a guy living a fantasy needs a few days off.
Question:Twenty years ago my girlfriend introduced me to her family. When I met her older sister I instantly knew I loved her more than my girlfriend. She was engaged at the time and is now divorced, with two children. I married my girlfriend, and we also have two children. I once confessed to my wife that when we make love I sometimes think about her sister. She rolled her eyes and said, “Keep dreaming.” I’ve told my sister-in-law I find her attractive, and she always greets me with a kiss on the cheek. We’ve talked on the phone for hours about our jobs, stress, romance, sex, parenthood. What can I do?—A.V., Los Angeles, California
Answer: Unless your sister-in-law feels the same, which we doubt, there’s not much you can do. It’s known as unrequited love, and it sucks, especially if you see the object of your affection regularly. But while your brain screws with you by letting you fall for the unattainable, it also allows you to override your emotional response and rely on reason. In other words, you can recognize that though these feelings are natural and universal, nothing is going to happen and you need to maintain boundaries. Your wife will never be as exciting as a woman just beyond your reach, so it’s unfair to compare the two. The key is, your wife loves you back.
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