Question: I thought my girlfriend was too fat when we met, but her personality and kindness helped me overlook her weight. She’s great, but after nine months together it has become a chore to have sex with her. I have to smoke marijuana to get aroused. She tries to work out and eat more healthily but then gives up. I’ve considered ending the relationship. Is there a way to stop wanting a more attractive woman and settle for one who’s pretty on the inside? I feel selfish and shallow.—J.B., Detroit, Michigan
Answer: Even if your girlfriend lost weight, you’d eventually break up with her. The relationship has run its course; it happens. Continuing to feign interest is selfish—“girlfriend” is not a job title. And who wants to be with someone who has “settled” for you? Don’t tell her you’re leaving because she’s overweight; if that were true, you wouldn’t have dated her.
Question: A female friend says she’s been having weird dreams about me for a week. She dreams she’s fucking this guy she likes, but during the sex he morphs into me. She says she’s confused. What does it mean? We’ve been friends for 13 years, and she’s always said she likes me only as a friend.—D.J., Norfolk, Virginia
Answer: She wants to sleep with the guy but is ambivalent about having a conversation with him. That’s where you come in. The tell here isn’t that she’s having these dreams but that she’s sharing them with you. Although it’s taken awhile, apparently you’ve grown on her. What should you do? Ask her on a date. Do something novel, such as roller-skating or visiting an amusement park. Give her a chance to see how much fun you have together. It may sound contrived, but calling it a (first) date can provide a demarcation point if the friendship matures into something more complicated. When longtime friends fall into relationships, one of them usually has an epiphany, while the other knew it all along. If she rejects the idea of a date, don’t worry. She already knows your position, and you’re only responding as any interested male would. At the very least, it may get her thinking about what she wants—and what she needs.
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