Question: When my husband and I go to strip clubs, I allow him to get lap dances as long as he doesn’t touch the women. During our last visit, he felt the breasts and butts of three strippers. I didn’t follow him when he went to get the dances, though I realize now that I should have. He says he will do whatever it takes to win back my trust, but I don’t even want him to touch me. How do we get past this?—T.S., Austin, Texas
Answer: Your husband screwed up, but you are overreacting. He should have known better than to agree to these challenging conditions, but he’s hardly the first guy to overestimate his power to resist the female form. In this case, accept his apology and save your outrage for more serious transgressions.
Question: About every third time I have sex with my girlfriend, I fantasize that she is a whore who travels with a band so everyone can fuck her. Other times the reality of being with her is enough. Healthy or unhealthy?—J.M., Glendale, Arizona
Answer: The fantasy is harmless. What’s unhealthy is not sharing it with your girlfriend, especially since she has the starring role. She probably has a few fantasies of her own—you may well be servicing the Supremes. We can’t guarantee her response; we’re only saying it’s healthy for partners to be able to share what turns them on without a lot of gnashing of teeth and bedside psychoanalysis. Both genders have an instinct for sexual adventure, and if you’re committed to monogamy, the adventure must be invented.
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