AskMen may have released their Top 99 Most Desirable women of 2013 today, but we felt a few changes were in order.
AskMen, the site that outlines in detail every aspect of manhood you could possibly have a question about, released their list of the most desirable women of 2013.
And for the most part, they done good. The usual suspects like Jessica Biel, Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman made an appearance. Newcomers Jennifer Lawrence, Kate Middleton and Lana Del Rey were a welcome addition. And (not surprisingly) just about every Victoria’s Secret model imaginable made the cut. To see the full list visit Askmen. All told, we had very few qualms with the names mentioned; but we still felt a few changes were in order. Welcome to the Playboy.com Top 10 countdown: Olivia Wilde – AskMen Ranking: 54
Our eyes were opened to Olivia Wilde way back when we all pretended we didn’t watch The O.C. Now she stars in all sorts of things and tweets about having the bubonic plague, which oddly enough does nothing to turn us off. In fact, it turns us on. Playboy.com Rank: 10 Sofia Vergara – AskMen Ranking: 12
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Sofia Vergara is ridiculously hot. She’s also hilarious. She also starred in Happy Feet Two, which was the first time we were ever turned on by an animated Colombian penguin. Or any penguin, for that matter. That’s how hot Sofia Vergara is. Playboy.com Rank: 9 Charlize Theron – AskMen Ranking: 97
We’ll let The Wire cover this one: While discussing the disappearance of certain archetypes you no longer hear much about, Phelps, a newspaper editor, says, “You know what there’s less of? Statuesque blondes. You don’t read about statuesque blondes in the newspaper anymore...They’re like a lost race.” Mr. Phelps, we give you Charlize Theron, the last of the statuesque blondes. Playboy.com Rank: 8 Kat Dennings – AskMen Ranking: 57
Kat Dennings comes in on AskMen’s list at 57, which we thought was a tad low; with the look of a femme fatale (and the body to match), she’s clearly top ten material. (We won’t hold her show, 2 Broke Girls, against her; in the words of Ben Affleck, “…Sometimes you gotta do the paycheck picture.”) Playboy.com Rank: 7 Bipasha Basu—AskMen Ranking: 67
When you’re crowned Ford Supermodel of the World 1996 at the age of 17, chances are you’ll grab the attention of the entertainment industry. Over 30 films later and there is a reason why Bollywood can’t get enough of Bips. Playboy.com Rank: 6 Emilia Clarke – AskMen Ranking: 15
Aside from being drop-dead gorgeous (and all kinds of naked in HBO’s Game of Thrones), Emilia Clarke has the added nerd-allure of being able to speak dragon, which, for the record, is most definitely a language. Playboy.com Rank: 5 Rihanna – AskMen Ranking: 4
Maybe it’s the ridiculous, always-revealing stage outfits or the haircuts in a perpetual state of change; it could be the knows-no-bounds vocal range or even the all-around “I don’t give a fuck” attitude, but something about Rihanna just does it for us. Playboy.com Rank: 4 Bérénice Marlohe – AskMen Ranking: 100
100? Upon seeing Bond’s latest leading lady ranked at 100, a fight broke out among Playboy staffers as to which way these rankings worked. Was 100 the best? How on earth could it be the worst if it was associated with Bérénice Marlohe? What kind of upside-down, ass-backwards world was AskMen living in that had Bérénice Marlohe bookending (in the bad way) a top 100 hottest women list? Playboy.com Rank: 3 Candice Swanepoel – AskMen Ranking: 11
Much like Bérénice Marlohe, our staff took to violent outbursts when we were told that only one Victoria’s Secret Angel could make her way into our top ten. It incited a work stoppage, a strike until finally after many secret ballots and much hurtful name-calling we agreed that only Candice Swanepoel could remain. To the other Angels, we are filled with regret. Playboy.com Rank: 2 Jessica Paré – AskMen Ranking: 9
Since its inaugural season, it has been the dream of many men to go back in time and work in the world of Mad Men, drink like the men of Mad Men, scheme like the men in Mad Men, but mostly, sleep with the women of Mad Men. Jessica Paré is usually a key player in those dreams. Playboy.com Rank: 1