Play-By-Playmate: Sex, Food and Sports

I have three favorite things in life: eating, having sex and sports. And those are in no particular order. It rotates.

If it’s kickoff on a Sunday then sports becomes No. 1 in my life. If it’s Monday morning and I am pooped out from watching so much NFL the day before and am full from an all-day barbecue, then my favorite thing to do is to wake up and have morning sex. That glow will last me until Monday Night Football kicks off. Now, if it’s a Wednesday and I had a lot of meetings or skipped lunch, then my favorite thing to do is eat. And let me tell you, I can eat like a man.

So it all depends on how I’m feeling, who’s playing and what’s cooking.

But in the case of last week, I literally got it all. This past week in sports, all the stars aligned and the heavens parted and I was given a giant sports orgasm. Obviously, I was eating while watching all of these sporting events, which is what truly made it a trifecta.

There was Tuesday and Wednesday, when you had four baseball teams fighting for Wild Card spots. No one expected it to come down to the final game for those teams. Then you had the MLB playoffs starting on Friday, which included a team in the Tampa Bay Rays that came back from 10 games to claim a playoff berth, and a rainout in New York, which added to the anticipation.

Then on Saturday, you had two great teams in college football, Alabama and Florida, matching up in prime time, along with four MLB playoff games. Then there was Sunday—which is already my favorite day of the week—that had almost every NFL team playing plus more playoff baseball.

It literally became one giant orgasm. Sunday was the climax because I had eaten and watched sports. I didn’t even need to have sex. I would trade physical sex for a week like that.

Ironically, I even got spanked on Sunday…in fantasy football. My ass is still stinging. I was getting crushed by Kevin Klein from Playboy Radio heading into Monday’s game. Kevin’s team, The Stinky Pinkies, was beating me 132-53 in my Play-By-Playmate league.

That loss will leave me with a record of 1-3 at the season’s quarter mark. Plaxidental Shooting, owned by Andrew Isaac of Guyism.com, is the league’s only undefeated team. Surprisingly, there hasn’t been much trash talk among the league’s owners. The only real trash talker has been Edmondson Spoilers, owned by John Cupoli, who was one of the fans invited to the league.

Remember, the prize for the league’s winner is a photo shoot of me and Pilar Lastra in their two favorite sports teams jerseys. So I’m kind of doing the rest of the league and all of my followers a favor by losing, because if I win the league, nobody would want to see, say, Kevin Klein pose in sports jerseys. There are some things that can’t be unseen.