I’ve got something to tell you. You’re not as good at dates as you think you are.
Relax — I’m not picking on you personally. This applies to every man — because a man’s only experience with dates is with women who want to date him. If you’re in a relationship, that’s not a problem — my first three date secrets are especially relevant for guys in relationships. But if you’re single, overestimating your date “game” is probably the worst thing you can do.
Dates are the hardest part of the process to get a lot of experience and learn from. You can practice approaching and attracting 50 women by going to a couple bars on the weekend, but most men won’t go on 50 dates in an entire year. So you can waste years and years learning from experience while your life passes you by. Besides, by the time you go on a date with her, you’ve already invested all that time going out, meeting her, attracting her, phoning and texting, and so on. The date is not where you want to screw it up.
Plus, when you get better at attracting beautiful women, your date game needs to get better too. The girl you’re settling for may not care, and the woman you’ve been friends with for years knows you well enough not to judge you by the first date. But that amazing woman you just met at the party definitely will. It’s been proven by thousands of Love Systems clients worldwide — the better you get at attracting women, the better your date game needs to be.
- Go to more than one place
A woman will feel closer to you and that she knows you better — without knowing why — if you go to a few different places instead of spending the whole time doing the same activity. Spreading out the date also keeps her focused on you. If you take her to dinner and she has fun, she might come out thinking, “I like that restaurant.” If you take her to a cocktail bar, then dinner, then a dessert place, she’s more likely to feel, “I like that guy.”
2. Make it semi-interactive
Dinner is a completely interactive date. Your conversation is the main source of entertainment. A movie is a completely un-interactive date. You probably won’t talk to her at all once it starts.
If it’s a first date, dinner puts a lot of pressure on you to be entertaining — and you also blend in with all of the other guys who take her to dinner (see the top 5 mistakes men make with women). If you’ve been dating for a while, then dinner is fine…but a bit boring after a while. And no matter how long you’ve been with her, a movie does nothing at all to bring you closer, unless you’re a teenager taking advantage of the darkness in the back row.
The best dates have external sources of entertainment but let you and her interact as well: comedy clubs, improv theatre, hiking, sporting events (if she’s into that), concerts or even something cheesy like bowling. Any of these are better than the generic dinner-and-a-movie
3. Be the man
It’s usually on you (especially the first few dates) to plan the date and make sure the logistics are handled. Women are attracted to men who project confidence and are in command — not men who fidget and curse because they can’t find parking in time for the concert. If you’re going to invest a few hours in the date, invest a few minutes beforehand to plan it out.
Surprise her. When she tells you things she wants to do, make a note of them, don’t say anything and surprise her with them later. Leave some mystery in your plans — even if you haven’t known her long, leave some suspense when you can. Tell her you’re taking her to dinner (if you want to ignore my advice earlier) but don’t tell her what restaurant — or about the dessert place you scouted out for afterward.
For Single Men
1. Start at your place, end at your place
Instead of meeting her wherever you’re going, have her come to your place and then leave together. If she’s driving, that means she has to come back to your place at the end of the night. Then it’s easy to invite her in for a minute. Because even if she wants to hook up, few women want to feel and seem “easy,” so it’ll be harder to convince her to “come back to my place for a nightcap” if the date ended half an hour away.
2. Have dates on your turf when you can
Take her to places you know, where there will be people you know. She gets to see you are a social, connected person (which in itself is attractive) and she gets to compete a little bit for your attention. (This doesn’t mean flirting with other women). Both will make her more attracted to you. And avoid the reverse at almost all costs on a first or second date.
3. Get the first kiss out of the way early
At the end of the night, she’s going to make a yes/no decision on getting physical with you. Don’t let the decision be about whether you’re going to get a kiss on her doorstep. Establish that territory early — at the first emotional high point you guys share, at least 30 minutes into the date. Don’t linger for a long makeout, but as long as she’s receptive, come back again for a few quick kisses over the course of the night if you’re somewhere appropriate. That will give the go/no-go decision far more interesting stakes at the end of the night.
Nick Savoy is President of Love Systems and producer of Date! The Complete Home Study Course (released August 2012), featuring three of the world’s top experts and including three how-to books, a personal workbook, in-field video, personal mentorship and more.
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