It’s on! The 2014 summer blockbuster movie season starts right now and you need to know what movies you’re taking in. We’re giving you the scoop on what films you need to see for crazy action, cities exploding, hot babes, outer space thrills, all of this plus air conditioning and overpriced popcorn.
22 JUMP STREET
21 Jump Street, the 2012 Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum action/comedy adaptation (parody, really) of the 1980s television drama about narcotics police going undercover at a high school, was surprisingly, even shockingly, entertaining. This summer’s sequel, 22 Jump Street, is keeping the same principal cast and director, so we have high hopes for the same level of laughs. This time Hill and Tatum are going undercover at a college to catch drug dealers on spring break. Expect bro comedy at its best with intermittent explosions. June 13.
Babe Alert: Model and actress Amber Stevens is the forbidden love interest for Jonah Hill’s character. This luscious fox plays an art student seduced by Hill and turns out to be his boss’ daughter. Also the spring break setting means there are literally hundreds and hundreds of bikini-clad hotties.
A raunchy R-rated sex comedy starring Cameron Diaz, Jason Segel, Ellie Kemper and Jack Black already has our attention even before we hear the premise, but Sex Tape’s plot has potential for comedic gold. When a married couple, Segel and Diaz, film a sex tape to spice up their flagging sex life, they accidentally upload it to the cloud and share it with a number of iPads they gave out as gifts to everyone from their mom to their mailman. They have to scramble to stop their loved ones from watching their amateur porn, and hijinks from dog CPR to cocaine bribes ensue. July 25.
Babe Alert: This is easy—Cameron Diaz is glorious at 41 and may even be getting hotter every year, and the trailer promises her in various states of undress. Ellie Kemper is also a babe to keep your eye on; this saucy redhead’s girl-next-door looks are delightful.
GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY
It wouldn’t be a summer blockbuster list without at least one special effects–packed superhero movie. It was difficult to choose which one to include, but we went with the unconventional Guardians of the Galaxy. Based on the Marvel comic book series, Guardians fuses superheroes and space opera with the premise of a team of misfits tasked with defending Earth. Promising to balance humor and nonstop action, the movie has heroes like a violent talking space raccoon, voiced by Bradley Cooper, and a humanoid tree alien played by Vin Diesel.
Babe Alert: Zoe Saldana is on the Guardians team as the unstoppable assassin Gamora, and her formfitting costume is very promising; be warned, she’s painted green for the part but we can get into it. Also British ginger sex bomb Karen Gillan, best known for her role as a companion on Doctor Who, will be taking a turn to the dark side as the villain Nebula. Who doesn’t love a bad girl? August 1.
TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES
Michael Bay’s updating of the 1980s Transformers cartoon into a live-action spectacle of incredible special effects, carnage, humor, hot babes running and explosions was an unmatched example of a “popcorn movie.” Now he’s producing another remake of a beloved ’80s property: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. You’ll want to see this, be it for childhood nostalgia for four humanoid turtles fighting evil ninjas or just to witness shit blowing up for two hours. August 8.
Babe Alert: Two words: Megan Fox! She’s back after a two-year absence from the silver screen playing the lead role of intrepid reporter and turtle ally April O’Neil. She’ll be enough for you, but if you need more, the funny and buxom Abby Elliot is cast in a supporting role.
FRANK MILLER'S SIN CITY: A DAME TO KILL FOR
Can the near-ridiculous levels of extreme violence and hypersexuality of 2005’s Sin City be topped in its sequel, Frank Miller's Sin City: A Dame to Kill For? It seems like an impossible feat, but this adaptation of the Frank Miller comic series may even surpass the original for nonstop hardboiled action and fetching femmes fatales. Composed of four intertwining noir crime stories shot in a gritty black-and-white (with splashes of color) style, the film features a diverse cast with everyone from Joseph Gordon-Levitt as a desperate gambler to Jeremy Piven as a crooked detective. August 22.
Babe Alert: You’re definitely going to see some nudity, and this movie is packed with shapely sirens like Jessica Alba, Rosario Dawson, Eva Green, Juno Temple and Playboy’s Miss May 2009 Crystal McCahill. Did we mention the first Sin City has a gang of barely dressed ninja prostitutes? The sequel has to outdo that...right?