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Testing Herbal Erection Pills
  • July 14, 2014 : 18:07
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You’ve seen the TV commercials and the blinking banner ads, but do all of those herbal sex enhancers really work? Can a blend of herbs in a capsule really duplicate the effects of a prescription pill like Viagra? I wanted to find out, so over four weeks, with the assistance of my long-suffering wife, I tried four different products that claim to deliver solid erections to their users. Due to the fact I’m relatively young, horny and healthy, I put up a few roadblocks to see if the pills could overcome them and help me to do my manly duty in the bedroom.

EXTENZE

Well known for their late-night TV ads, ExtenZe may be the most famous herbal “male enhancement” pill in the world and therefore was the logical place to start my experiment.

Oh, and the product is also famous for some legal kerfuffles: due to some of their early ads’ implying that the pill could permanently lead to a larger member, the makers had to pay $300,000 in civil penalties to the Orange County District Attorney's Office for false advertising and unfair business practices. Plus the DA had to investigate claims the pills contained more than the legal limit of lead. But’s that’s all in the past! According to the insert in the package, the product works best when taken daily so I took it for five days before putting it to the test and received an instant result: rage!

I was irritable and angry at everything. I snapped at my wife, yelled at my cat and called up my father and challenged him to a fistfight. I can only assume that one of ExtenZe’s 24 ingredients spikes testosterone; in fact, the package does list that it has a “Prohormone Blend.” But did it work? To find out I put myself in a situation where I normally couldn’t perform to the max: the missus and I went out for a huge meal (which normally makes me sleepy) followed by a few solid hours of drinking whiskey. And, miracle of miracles, when we got down to the act I performed like a champ.

So thumbs up to ExtenZe? I think it works, if you’re okay with the many mystery ingredients rolling around in you and transforming you into a living volcano of wrath. Also, long after taking ExtenZe I actually decided to research it and discovered other side effects reported include “pounding heart, restlessness, fever, feeling like fainting, hallucinations, muscle twitches or spasms, abnormal behavior, severe headache, bruising easily, shortness of breath, blurred vision, seizures, ringing in the ears, chest pain, confusion, loss of appetite, weight loss, vomiting, insomnia, mild skin rash, nervousness, cold feeling in the feet or hands, tingling or numbness in the feet or hands, and difficulty staying asleep.”

HERBAL V SEX ENHANCER

The most generically named pill also came in extremely vague packaging which did not inspire confidence. According to my wife, “This is definitely the one that will make you go blind!” Only six ingredients, though, including some harmless-sounding ones like ginseng and cinnamon plus more exotic plants like Epimedium (which apparently contains a chemical that belongs to the same family as Viagra) and Tribulus terrestris (said to increase testosterone).

The instructions told me to take it at least half an hour before party time with “warm water or milk.” Realizing now that mixing any supplement with alcohol is a bad idea, I decided to exercise furiously for an hour and follow it up with a giant plate of heavy carbs to weigh me down. Then I took it with milk, did not go blind and was successfully able to go through with making the sex to my paramour. So far these pills are working out and I’m not showing any symptoms of major organ failure.

EXTRA STRONG HERBAL VIAGRA COFFEE SEX ENHANCEMENT

The name is like poetry; it’s a haiku, and I whisper it into my wife’s ear to spark romance even before we drink it. That’s right, we; finally we get to share in the joy of popping boner supplements together as this instant coffee blended with aphrodisiac herbs is meant to be enjoyed by both men and women. I brew us two cups of the elegant concoction, which contains Rhodiola rosea, Panax ginseng and cortex cinnamon, and we wait an hour to see if it inspires beautiful lust in us. About 15 minutes in she gets a headache and our first round of experimenting with sexy coffee is called off.

The next night I try it again, but my better half abstains. This time to test the product’s power the roadblock I put in front of my libido is 20 minutes of looking at a photo album of my grandmother followed by a call to my mother followed by a cold shower. Without getting into details, when I lay my sweet wife gently over the kitchen counter I’m able to do what is expected. Is it the drink? Is it the power of suggestion? Is it the power of love? I’ll leave you to decide. And if you’re wondering how Extra Strong Herbal Viagra Coffee Sex Enhancement tastes...it tastes terrible.

TROPHIC BULGARIAN TRIBULUS EXTRA

Hey, it’s tribulus again! According to the copy for this supplement: “Bulgarian Tribulus is typically used to increase athletic performance, testosterone, sperm counts, sexual desire and potency in men.” It’s apparently a spiny, flowery weed that grows in warm climates and I’m putting it in my body once again. This pill also has five other herbs, including Gingko biloba, our good friend ginseng and something called damiana. Let’s rock it.

First, to get out of the mood after ingesting the pill I stream the first Twilight film. That doesn’t quite do it—it turns out I might have a thing for Kristen Stewart. I decide to take extreme measures to test this supplement so I download 1 Night in Paris, the 2004 Paris Hilton sex tape. After viewing that film I hate all sexual acts, my body and all bodies...so it’s time.

This is the first instance since I began this project that I strike out. I can’t tell if it’s the Hilton effect, the insane fiery heartburn that began after I swallowed the pills or the fact that I keep calling my wife Kristen, but for the first time since I began this investigation it’s a bust.

BONUS: SUGARCUM

The subtly named supplement “SugarCum” is a proprietary blend of pineapple, açai, papaya, wheatgrass and cinnamon that claims to make both men’s and women’s “sexual secretions” taste better. I’m happy I get to share this wonderful product with my life partner and one hour before we perform some relevant sexual acts on each other we take two capsules of SugarCum each.

SugarCum didn’t really seem to improve the bouquet I love best, but it’s hard to focus on the flavor when she’s screaming, “Faster! Harder!” and I’m writing out an apology letter to her father on her genitals with my tongue. So my review is inconclusive. To protect my male pride I won't include my wife’s full comments on SugarCum, but suffice it to say it did not ameliorate the taste of my secretions to an enjoyable point. Apparently it works best if taken daily for a while, so maybe we’ll stock up and repeat this analysis.

(This article contains the personal views of the author and don't necessarily represent Playboy.com. Please do not use the products mentioned in any fashion not indicated by the manufacturer or take them with alcohol.)

read more: Sex and Dating, sex, oral sex, review

2 comments

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    I have taken tribulus before to increase testosterone (not improve erections) and it had no effect whatsoever despite using two different brands and varying dosages.
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