The Daily Lick: The First Date Formula

By Ron Shirley

Our resident repo man in charge and advisor extraordinare dishes on how to create the perfect first date, leaving behind a particularly shiny pearl of wisdom for one lucky reader.

Ron Shirley (of Lizard Lick Towing fame) joins us for seven days of The Daily Lick, wherein he answers the varied questions sent to us by readers. Prepare to hear about anything and everything from spicing up your sex life to what to do when faced with an albino anaconda. Check back here daily to get the advice you need, bo’!

I have a date this weekend, but I’m lost! How do I take the woman of my dreams on the perfect first date?—Juliano, Roberts, Wisconsin

Every girl is different, bo’, but I can tell you this for sure: make the date about her. Do what she wants to do, not what you want to do. If you want to find out anything about a woman, all you gotta do is listen, because they’ll damn sure talk. And be yourself, of course—because who you are on that first date is who she’s gonna expect on that second, third and fourth. And don’t be something you ain’t: no matter how much mud you put on a pig, it’s still a pig. That’s how it is with pigs: a lotta people like to wrestle and dance with ’em, but in the end, the only thing that happens is, you get dirty…and the pig has a lot of fun.

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