A list that surfaced some time ago on a site we won’t name to save them the abject embarrassment (it’s Billboard) ranked Britney Spears as the hottest woman in music in 2012. We’re talking the post-collapse, pharmaceutically stabilized, washed-up-on-the-shores-of-the-X-Factor Britney Spears, not the circa turn-of-the-century “Slave 4 U” sex bomb Britney Spears. This Britney Spears. Madonna also managed to make their list, and while we won’t spit on a strong showing from a 54-year-old (we’re not in the habit of knocking-down old ladies), it did nothing to improve the credibility of their less-than-stellar lineup.
And so, we, the longtime sorters-out of sex appeal, decided to set the record straight (pun intended). We give you the hottest women making music today:
10. Jenny Lewis
We needed a token redhead on this list and were not ready to count Rihanna, whose hair color is as fleeting as the music career of…
9. Nicole Scherzinger
Anyone who stands out as a member of the Pussycat Dolls must be doing something right. Being reportedly the only member of a musical group that can carry a tune probably helped, but if you can hold our attention while six other scantily clad women are moving about in a suggestive manner, you get full marks.
8. Emily Haines
Part of the Emily Haines attraction is most definitely the music; her hollow sound can get so under your skin you want to crawl out of it. Which probably wouldn’t help your case in landing the lead singer of Metric; we’re guessing she likes a guy with…well…skin.
7. Jessie James
“…and that, kids, was the day I drank too much lemonade.”
6. Taylor Swift
Taylor Swift has caught some flak for jumping genres and generally singing solely about bad breakups and the assorted out-of-proportion problems that go along with growing up. Which we don’t necessarily mind; “I Knew You Were Trouble” is a badass track, and our dreams of dating her hinge half on her being a pixie smokeshow and half on our inevitable assholishness being immortalized in a scathing folk ballad.
5. Alicia Keys
Alicia Keys’ “Philanthropy” section on Wikipedia is four paragraphs long and laced with one good cause after another. So not only are your chances with her diminished because she is, in the words of Ricky Bobby, “smoking hot,” she’s a better person than you…
4. Lana Del Rey
What to say about Lana Del Rey? The very definition of classic beauty, she left many a man leering when she swung into the limelight in late 2011. Half 1950s housewife, half flower child from the ’70s, she’s a chameleon. A sexy chameleon.
Getting slingshot into the music scene by Sean Carter pretty much guarantees your success, but Riri’s staying power has nothing to do with Hova. Girl can hold the high notes and, as far as dress is concerned, prefers the adage less is more.
2. Katy Perry
Let’s just put this out there: We’ve got Lindsay Lohan money waiting for whenever Katy Perry decides to shed the last of the good-girl image and go all in.
Beyoncé. The be-all and end-all. This has been where the buck stops for some time in terms of the sexiest woman on the music scene today. She wins. Pregnancy be damned.
Disagree? Let us hear it...