The Pick up: 5 Reasons Assholes get the Girls

When people find out that I’m a professional dating coach for men, one of the first questions is always:

“Why is it always the jerks who get the hottest girls?”

It’s actually not quite true. But if you’ve ever been the guy asking this question, there are five things you need to know right now about how to get girls you’re attracted to.

1. “Nice” is not in short supply for attractive women. If you’re a hot girl, there is no limit to the number of men who will be nice to you—especially at first. If your best quality is that you’ll be nice to her, it’s like saying your best quality is you have two arms.
2. Too nice too soon feels fake. Have you had someone be overly nice to you when you hadn’t done anything to deserve it? Doesn’t it feel weird—like they must have an agenda, or want something, or don’t have much going for them? Polite is fine. Sucking up will kill your chances with her.
3. Being a challenge is not the same thing as being a jerk. As I explained in my dating bible for men, the Magic Bullets Handbook, “flirting is a fun game, and women want to play too.” People value what they have to work for. If she has to work for your interest, she’ll be more attracted to you. If it’s too easy to get your interest, she’ll know your standards aren’t very high. Women like men with high standards—it’s more validating when they reach them.
4. Women are not delicate fine china. At our Love Systems boot camps, guys are always surprised when instructors show them how to talk to girls they want. They’ll tease, they’ll pretend not to be interested, they’ll flirt with other women nearby and so on. Some guys think this is acting like a jerk. Most women find it fun and engaging, and part of building romantic and/or sexual tension.
5. Nice guys are needy. Neediness ranks up there with leprosy in terms of things attractive women want in a man. As a friend of mine said, “If I have a choice between an asshole guy and a needy guy, and it’s just for a night out, I’ll take the asshole guy every time. He might be fun, and he won’t make me responsible for his happiness.”

While we’re at it, keep in mind that jealousy is a bitch. Fifteen years ago, before I was any good with women, no one ever called me a jerk. When I started learning the secrets that eventually became Love Systems, somehow I became one—but only to guys who were jealous or frustrated with their love life. If you’ve got a friend or acquaintance who is really good with women, don’t rationalize his success away by dismissing him as a jerk; watch and learn what he does—nine times out of 10 you’ll be able to recognize the Love Systems dating principles in these articles.

Nick Savoy is President of Love Systems, the largest and most successful dating coaching group for men. Check out Love Systems for free dating advice articles and advanced books, videos and live training.