The Pick Up: 6 Rules for the Kiss

By Nick Savoy

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The first time you kiss a woman is crucial — it tells her almost everything she needs to know about whether she wants to go any further with you. Follow these six rules and you’ll be fine.


The kiss should be an appetizer, not a meal.

Flirt with a woman all night and then give her a bolt of electricity with a few seconds of kissing, and she’ll be dying to know what else you’ve got. Make out with her for half an hour and she’s “got it out of her system” and the sexual tension can disappear. No matter how long you let the kiss go, make sure you’re the one to end it first so you leave her wanting more.

Show her there’s more to come.

Don’t make out with her with your arms limp at your sides like a rag doll. Build sexual tension by hinting at what your hands can do. My favorite move: run one hand up the back of her neck to the roots of her hair and grab them firmly — but not roughly. Pull down just a little bit. Then count the seconds until she asks if it’s time for the two of you to leave yet. Or, if you want to use the kiss to push things forward emotionally rather than physically, run your hand through her hair instead, or lightly touch her cheek with your hand.

Don’t sulk.

Sometimes you’ll go for the kiss and get rejected. So what? It just means she wasn’t ready…yet. If you act disappointed or pouty, you’ll kill your chances forever. Just go back to whatever you were doing before, and try again when things change: you hit another emotional high point in your conversation, or you move somewhere more private, for example.

Kiss when things are going well, not to make up ground.

If you’ve made out with a woman earlier in the night but you feel her attraction drifting away, it’s natural to try to bring things back to the way they were before by kissing her again. But that doesn’t work and comes off as desperate. Kiss her at an emotional high point — when you’re laughing together or sharing something you have in common. (The same rules apply on the first date.) A kiss reinforces a situation that is going well but won’t save one that is going downhill.

Don’t make her feel awkward.

One thing I often say when talking about female psychology is that women react to social awkwardness the way that most people react to a live hand grenade. (Understanding this, and the million ways it plays out, is a big part of succeeding with beautiful women). Some women won’t mind making out in public, but others will feel really embarrassed, and some will do it only if their friends can’t see. At the end of the day, your goal probably isn’t the kiss itself but what it does to put you on the road to a date or going home with her that night. So if you get some resistance in public, don’t sweat it — try again when you’re somewhere more private.

And on that note…

Get the basics right.

Most guys know these, but just in case, here are a few standard things every guy should know. First is your breath — if it’s been more than half an hour since your last stick of gum or toothbrushing, or if you’ve eaten or drunk anything other than water since then, your breath stinks. Someone standing a few feet away won’t notice, but the woman kissing you will. Don’t slobber or drool or force your tongue down her throat. Close your eyes. And so on.

Nick Savoy is the President of Love Systems, the worldwide pickup artist and dating coaching school for men. Through books, DVDs and live training in bars, nightclubs, malls and parks, Love Systems has successfully trained tens of thousands of men to succeed with beautiful women since 2004.


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