Whether you’re looking for a friend with benefits or a long-term relationship, you have to show her a good time in bed if you want to see her again.
You got the hot girl at the party. Your friends all think you’re The Man as you say your goodbyes before taking her home. The night is about to get passionate.
But you didn’t do all this work just to hook up with her once, did you? Whether you’re looking for a friend with benefits or a long-term relationship, you have to show her a good time in bed if you want to see her again.
Women don’t necessarily need you to be a walking Kama Sutra, but they do want to feel that the two of you are sexually compatible and that at the very least things in bed aren’t awkward. Women avoid potentially awkward situations much more than men.
In other words, it doesn’t hurt to be amazing in bed. In fact, some top Love Systems coaches partnered with actual top male porn stars to produce a video series that will let you perform like Casanova (check it out here). But it’s not absolutely necessary. What is necessary is to avoid the biggest mistakes most men make in bed the first time. Use these tips to make sure she’s dying to see you again.
- Keep her in the moment
Most of the time, she knows what’s on the agenda when she goes home with you, and she wants sex to happen just as much as you do. But most women want to feel seduced, which means the journey needs to be smooth, not awkward, and like sex “just happened.”
The key here to avoid “state breaks” where she is taken out of the moment. For example, don’t start making out with her in the kitchen if you’re going to need to take her into the bedroom eventually. The “let’s go into the bedroom” moment is awkward and triggers her logical brain to think of the 100,000 reasons why she shouldn’t be having sex right now.
Similarly, put the condom on when she’s happily distracted. I keep one in my pants pocket, always make sure that my pants don’t get thrown across the room and slip one on when I’m going down on her. When you’re giving oral and she’s lying on her back, eventually she’ll pull you up so that the two of you are face-to-face. Your condom-clad friend will be in exactly the right position.
- Understand her coded messages
It’s not an accident when women start and stop moaning, or get louder and quieter. When you change what you’re doing or how hard or fast you’re doing it, listen closely. If she gives you a moan or her volume increases, she likes it. If not, change it up.
Here’s where a lot of guys go wrong: a moan does not necessarily mean go harder or faster. It could mean that, but just as often (especially if you’re using your hands or mouth) it means she likes exactly what you’re doing and she doesn’t want you to change it.
- Damage control: What if you finish too quickly?
Relax. It happens to every man every once in a while. It’s not a big deal if she knows there’s more to come. Say something like, “Damn, you got me so turned on you took me by surprise there. Give me a few minutes and you’ll be in real trouble,” and then keep her aroused by kissing her neck, breasts and so on until you’re ready again.
The second time around you’ll naturally last longer anyway. Done right, she’ll take it as a compliment that she made you finish unexpectedly quickly and got you interested in a second round.
Good luck! If you enjoy yourself, compliment her after and follow these simple rules, she should be dying to see you again.
Nick Savoy is President of Love Systems, which runs PUA (Pickup Artist) Boot Camps all over the world.