<p>Every man, at some point in his life, has to take one for the team. Here's our guide on how to be the perfect wingman.<br></p>
Beautiful women don’t usually go out by themselves. Her friends can make or break your night—if they are having a good time or like your friends, your odds go way up. If her friends are bored, they’ll sabotage you.
From having successfully coached over 10,000 “average guys” to be successful with beautiful women, here are the crucial wingman rules to live by.
First, Do No Harm
The Hippocratic oath applies to Love Systems as much as it applies to medicine. Before you can try to improve a situation, you have to be sure you’re not going to make it worse.
He Who Has the Balls Makes the Choice
Any man can stand around a club and stare at women. It takes balls (and skill) to go up to a group of girls, risk being blown out and start a flirtatious conversation that actually goes somewhere. (We’ve covered how to do this in Pickup Lines that Work.)
Don’t be the vulture who comes along a few minutes later and starts hitting on the most attractive woman in the group. He approached the group, so it’s his choice who he’s interested in. If you both hit on the same girl, you’ll probably just cancel each other out and neither of you will get anywhere. This relates to our next point…
Your Friend Is Always the Coolest Guy in the Room
Most women use social cues a lot more than men do. They’ll learn about you from how other people interact with you. So if you and your friends treat each other with respect, she will assume that you surround yourself with quality people and that these people value you. In contrast, if you’re the type of man who would blow off his friends to focus on some woman who he’s only known for a couple minutes, you will hurt your chances with her.
(She’ll assume that you’re desperate, because guys who have had women attracted to them before don’t go crazy when they get a small amount of attention. She’ll also assume that you don’t have much going for you, since you surround yourself with people who you don’t even respect.)
Do the Math
You are talking to a group of three attractive women. Your friend joins the conversation. He notices that you’re flirting with one of them and he doesn’t interfere, but one of the other two women seems to be into him and he wants to take her somewhere private. Should he?
If he does, he’s left you talking to the woman you’re interested in—and her friend. In other words, he left you in a position where you need a wingman. Wait a minute—wasn’t that supposed to be his job?
On the other hand, if you wanted to bail with your girl, that’s your right. You’re the one who approached. Or, if there are two guys and two girls, then either guy can take the woman he’s talking to somewhere more private because it leaves the other guy in a better position. Remember: first, do no harm.
Advanced Game: Above and Beyond the Call
Any man should be able to expect the minimum wingman standards set so far in this article from his friends. But if you and your buddies are serious about meeting and attracting women, then try some of these:
Women don’t tend to like guys who brag—it often seems insecure. But there’s no limit to how much your friend can say about you. You’re friends, after all—you’re supposed to like each other.
For best results, wait until your friend goes to get a drink and is out of earshot before you happen to tell people some of his best qualities. Or, if you’re really subtle, tell one of the friends of the woman he’s interested in—and wait for that information to be shared when they all go to the bathroom.
There’s a Love Systems concept called “framing” that we can’t really do justice to in this short column. The very quick version is that the frame (the assumed context of what you’re saying) is often more important than your actual choice of words.
In this example, you can set the frame that your friend and the woman he’s interested in are already a couple. Talk to her friends about how good they look together and treat them like a single social unit. (E.g., “I’m having a party next weekend—you should come. I’ll invite Chris and Donna, too.”)
For bonus points, use future projections (another Love Systems concept), which not only implies that they are a couple, but that they’ve been together for a while. (E.g., “It’s going to be so funny, years down the road, when you guys are having fun on some Greek island or whatever—you’ll remember that if we all hadn’t been at Ye Olde Dive Bar tonight, nothing would ever have happened. It’s amazing how life works sometimes…”)
This is really just scratching the surface of what good wingmen can do for each other. The more you go out with the same guys, the better you’ll work together. Communicate, respect each other and have fun!
Nick Savoy is President of Love Systems and has coached thousands of “average guys” to attract and build relationships with beautiful women. Follow him on Twitter at @LS_Savoy.