Welcome to the 25th column of The Pickup with Nick Savoy. For the last ten years, I’ve been a senior dating coach with Love Systems, and take men to bars, clubs, and coffee shops to teach them how to meet and attract beautiful women.
A lot of guys start off their training by asking about one specific woman, like how to get their ex-girlfriend back. What they soon realize is that the question is less, “How do I get this girl to like me,” and more, “How can I be more attractive to women in general?” While women’s preferences vary, a lot of similarities outweigh the differences. How many women don’t like men who are confident, emotionally stable, emotionally available, honest, non-violent, single, fun, healthy, funny, with good social skills? If you do the things that are attractive to most women, they’ll probably also be attractive to the woman you have a crush on.
But sometimes this isn’t true. Sometimes a man really does know the basics of how to get a girl to like him, but there’s a specific woman who isn’t interested. If that’s you (and if it’s not, brush up on previous “The Pick Up” columns first), read on.
IF SHE JUST WANTS TO BE FRIENDS
Turning a friendship into something more can be tricky. What most guys do is to stay friends with the woman they like, and hope that being a nice, sweet guy every day makes her realize that she really wanted them all along.
That NEVER works. Except in the movies.
If a woman says “let’s be friends,” nine times out of 10 it’s because the guy’s too much of a “nice guy” for her to feel deep romantic and/or sexual attraction. (To be clear, the opposite of a “nice guy” isn’t an “asshole” or a “jerk” – it’s a confident, challenging man who women love. Read more about this in Why Assholes Get the Girl).
If she thinks you’re “too nice,” then hanging around being even nicer isn’t going to help. Even hanging around and being less “nice” isn’t a great idea. If you change your behavior right after she turned you down, you’ll come off as petulant and pouty, instead of confident and challenging.
The simple solution to the girl who just wants to be friends is DON’T. Go away for a couple months and come back different.
IF SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND
I know we’re on touchy ethical ground here. Love Systems has often been criticized for giving men the tools to “steal” wives or girlfriends. But in reality, like we covered in the column How to Tell if She’s Going to Cheat, whether a woman goes outside her relationship has a lot more to do with her personality and the relationship than it does with what other men happen to cross her path. We don’t teach how to undermine a boyfriend, but the reality is that a lot of women are rarely single, and if you don’t meet them when they’re in a relationship, you won’t be there when the breakup happens.
If you’re feeling a connection with a woman who might be attached, the best advice is also the simplest – do nothing different. Don’t talk about her boyfriend, and change the subject if he comes up. Or, if you’re feeling particularly ballsy, try this (courtesy of Love Systems instructor Future Thompson):
MAN: Bleh bleh bleh bleh.
WOMAN: I have a boyfriend.
MAN: Oh, that’s cool. Does he treat you nice?
MAN: I wouldn’t. (And then immediately carry on to another topic.)
If she’s attracted to you, she’ll laugh or playfully hit you when you say that. It shows her that this isn’t the first time you’ve run up against a boyfriend and that the situation doesn’t intimidate you.
IF SHE REJECTS YOU RIGHT AWAY
If you approach a woman and she says, “Keep walking” before you can even open your mouth, know that she isn’t rejecting you (she can’t; she doesn’t know you) – she is playing some adolescent power games and hasn’t yet figured out that high school is over.
Don’t fall into her frame. Don’t get upset. Treat it like a joke. Take this from Love Systems instructor Andy Venture:
MAN: Bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh.
WOMAN: Fuck off.
MAN: Oh, I love this game! [Pausing, thinking] – Okay, I got one. You’re an asshole!
This doesn’t work if you’ve really done something to offend her. But it works very well if she blows you out for no reason.
Nick Savoy is a Master Instructor with Love Systems, the largest and most successful dating coaching shop for men. Follow him on Twitter at @LS_Savoy, and join the conversation on The Attraction Forums– a free online community of men helping each other succeed with women.
Sex and Dating
Sex and Dating
Sex and Dating
Sex and Dating