<p>Just because she's flanked by guys doesn't mean you don't stand a chance.</p>
Would you ever hit on a girl who had a bunch of guys around her?
Part of my job as a Love Systems dating coach is to take men out of bars, clubs and coffee shops and show them how to meet and attract beautiful women. Sometimes I point out specific women for clients to approach. The first time I ask a client to talk to a woman who has other men with her, I always get the same reaction:
Oh no. I can’t do that.
But somehow, by the end of the three-day boot camp, clients actually prefer to approach women in “mixed groups.”
Almost no one else is approaching her. If she's single, she’s more likely to be looking for attention and be open to your presence. She knows that most men are too intimidated to approach her. Your confidence will stand out. Your logistics are usually easier. Often a group of women will have a “we came together; we leave together” dynamic. Mixed groups are often looser, with everyone meeting up out somewhere. This gives you a better opportunity to take her home. Befriending other guys (if they’re not attracted to her) is easy, especially compared with a jealous or judgmental female friend.
Okay, Savoy, you’ve convinced me that I should approach mixed groups. How do I do that without getting my ass beat?
Relax. If you walk up to a woman and the guy standing beside her is her boyfriend, they’ll find some way to tell you. If you want to make doubly sure, at some point after you’ve broken the ice, ask her how they all know each other.
(Make sure to ask her how they know each other. Not one of the guys. A man who is interested in her might say they are dating as a “joke” to discourage you.)
If she is dating one of the guys she’s with, I usually turn her into my wingwoman. (Read this article for wingman/wingwoman tips.) I congratulate her boyfriend on being with the prettiest girl there, point out another woman and ask for her help introducing me to the second prettiest girl. A lot of attached women enjoy the fun of flirting and attraction, and can enjoy helping you or living vicariously through you in that situation.
Once I’m sure that none of the guys is her boyfriend, what do I do?
It still depends on the other guy(s). If he’s someone else who just met her that night and is hitting on her, then get rid of him. Interrupt him (don’t let him interrupt you), stand physically between them if you can and, if he worms his way into the conversation, respond to what he says with something like “Cool story” and then change the subject. Focus only on her. Keep calm.
If the other guys are platonic friends, then you’re in a great situation. Meet a couple of women, chat for a minute, say “Let’s go meet people” and then bring them into the mixed group. You look pre-selected, her friends will love you and your road will be all clear.
Sometimes you’ll get an ambiguous situation somewhere in between. One of her guy friends is into her, but she hasn’t returned the affection. He will be your personal cockblock for the evening.
To solve this, if the woman is attracted to you, explain that you don’t want things to be awkward vis-à-vis her friend. She’ll usually take care of the situation at that point. If she doesn’t, she’s probably more into drama and attention than she is into you…which makes her one of the 10 types of women to avoid.
Nick Savoy is the President of Love Systems and a frequent contributor to Playboy. Follow him on Twitter @LS_Savoy.