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The Pick Up: How to Text Her
  • December 05, 2012 : 08:12
  • comments

You’re out at a bar or a party. You meet a hot girl and get her phone number. Now it’s time to play it cool and wait three days before calling her.

Wrong. So very wrong.

Video may have killed the radio star, but it’s text messaging that killed the three-day rule. Top pickup artists and dating coaches for men recommend texting her the same night you meet. For example:

While you’re still talking to her

If your friends and her friends are around, try texting her a few minutes after she gives you her phone number: “Um, there’s a cute [blonde/brunette/whatever] girl from [where she’s from] and I think she’s flirting with me. What should I do?”

WHY?

  • It gives you and her your own private conspiracy that your friends and her friends don’t know about—that helps attraction.
  • It sets the frame that you and she are having a romantic and/or sexual interaction—you’re not activity buddies and you’re not going to get “let’s just be friends.”
  • It avoids the potentially awkward moment when you first get in touch the next day—there’s a big difference between continuing a conversation that’s been ongoing versus getting in touch for the first time after meeting her at a bar.

About an hour before closing time

Meet women and get their phone numbers earlier in the night, and then, about an hour before closing time, send this mass text message: “Hey, you still here?” Of the women who respond, pick the one you’re most interested in, meet up, flirt a bit, then take her home.

WHY?

If you meet a woman early in the night, she might be attracted but not want to go home right away. So go meet other women and circle back later with a mass text. Even if some women have already gone home before you message them, you might still get replies (e.g., “Already left!”) that you can use for some quick conversation so it’s not awkward when you get in touch the next day.

At the end of the night

If you don’t do the mass text before closing time, you can also send something at the end of the night. Make it short, and funny if you can. Don’t make it over-sweet like “Hope you got home okay” to someone you just met, and don’t make it a question or you will lose value if she doesn’t respond.

Your best bet is a quick joke based on callback humor. For example, if you’d been teasing her for being short (which is especially fun to do with women who aren’t short), you can send something like “Grumpy, Bashful and Doc say hi. I’m taking them to an after-party.”

WHY?

Questions cost you emotional momentum if she doesn’t respond—even if she likes you. And at the end of the night, she might be drunk/tired/busy and not answering texts. Save the “hope you got home safely” stuff until she’s your girlfriend; unless you spent hours confessing your true love to each other, she’ll feel that you’re overreaching emotionally.

In sum…

The three-day rule is over, at least for women you meet at bars, clubs and parties who aren’t in your social circle. If she didn’t know you before tonight, then strike while the iron is hot: tonight.

Nick Savoy is President of Love Systems, the leading dating consultancy for men, and also writes a popular PUA Blog called The Real Savoy.

read more: Sex and Dating, relationships, the pick up, dating advice

7 comments

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    That "Hey, you still there" advice is golden.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    This is 5 star quality advice. I learn something from every one of these cols, and I'm kind of a baller myself.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Great stuff for the 21st century!
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Great article. I've been holding onto the three day rule, but this makes sense. I also like that you can include so much humor and role-playing into the first texts; that takes a lot of the pressure off.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    hey you still here? great! I have to use that
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    I'm confused you say don't send a question instead send " Hey, you still here?" Is there a new definition for the meaning of question?
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Nice article! I always struggle with texting, this will be a big help
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