Here’s what you’re doing wrong on dating sites
Do dating sites work? Can you find high-quality women there? Or are they all fakes, flakes and Medusa look-alikes? And more to the point — if there are hot women on dating sites, can an average guy get with them?
A year ago, I asked Derek Cajun, a star Love Systems instructor, to take a year off and do field research. I chose Cajun because he’s very good at Love Systems, but he isn’t an especially good looking guy. You might know him from Keys to the VIP, a TV show that follows men in nightclubs with hidden cameras as they pick up women. (Cajun won — check out clips from the TV show below.)
Earlier this year, Cajun brought back his results and they blew everyone away. Not only had he completely adapted the Love Systems method to online dating, but he was meeting and attracting high-quality women even easier than at bars, clubs or parties. There isn’t space to share his complete system here, but here are three tips you can start using right away:
(These tips are excerpted from Derek Cajun’s book, The Gentleman’s Guide to Online Dating)
Tip 1: Your pictures matter a lot. But not in the way you think.
Obviously, the better you look in your pictures, the better your odds. If you don’t know which photos make you look best, put a bunch of them on Hot or Not or another photo rating site and let women tell you.
But much more important is that your photos tell a story about you. You know how they say a picture is worth 1000 words? That’s literally true. In experiments, women took almost ten times as much information about you from your pictures as your description. Want to tell her you’re an outdoorsy guy? Skip the essay on hiking — include a picture of you on the trail instead. Want her to know you’re fun and popular? Add in a picture of you with friends goofing around at the beach. Educated professional? Make sure there’s a picture of you in a power suit.
Remember from the article on how to dress to pick up women that when a woman first meets you, she’s going to think of you as “the _______ guy.” Confusing your identity isn’t attractive — tell her in words and pictures who you are.
Tip 2: Don’t appear to be taking the site seriously.
Most high-quality women don’t want a guy who hangs around on dating sites. (Unfair, since she’s there too? Maybe. But life isn’t fair.) So goof around a bit. Don’t think of your time on the site like a job interview. Act like someone who is used to women being interested in you. Give the impression that you came to the site for amusement and because “why not?” (Stay positive — don’t let your attitude be disdainful.)
With this general attitude, you can short-circuit a conversation after a couple messages with a line like “You know, I just came here to mess around but you actually seem really cool. Give me your number and I’ll call you in 10 minutes.” It works almost every time.
Tip 3: Get off the site ASAP.
Sending messages back and forth on the site doesn’t help you much. It slots you into a very narrow part of her existence (“this is when I talk to some of the millions of internet guys who like me”). Get “sticky” in her life so you can use other channels. In person is best, of course, but text messaging makes a good intermediate step (and one of my next columns here is going to be about picking up women via text message). Even direct email, Facebook or carrier pigeon is better than only interacting with her on a dating site.
This is especially important with the most attractive women, who tend to only use dating sites for a few days at a time. Blink and they’re gone.
This is obviously all just scratching the surface of how to date beautiful women online. You can find videos, interviews and the book itself on the Gentleman’s Guide to Online Dating website.
Nick Savoy is President of Love Systems — the largest and most successful dating science consultancy for men. He is also the author of the Magic Bullets Handbook and publisher of The Gentleman’s Guide to Online Dating.