Q. My wife has made it clear she can live without sex, so for the past four years I have been finding partners online. I even have an online wife (she’s also married), who attends swinger parties with me. Our relationship is purely physical, and we always practice safe sex. My real wife is unsuspecting, though I’m sure she wonders why I no longer bug her for sex. Now she wants us to attend counseling to address our sexual dysfunction. She says she has been a horrible partner. I’m not convinced counseling will change anything, and it could easily expose my alternate life and jeopardize my marriage, which I want to preserve for our two kids. Aside from the lack of sex, our life together is pretty satisfying. We have run into a couple of my girlfriends, but they assume my wife is another one of them, so it’s kept under wraps. What should I do?
-- J.R., El Paso, Texas
A. Your wife will figure this out eventually, if she hasn’t already. You can either take charge of the situation or let it unravel until it reaches its inevitable messy conclusion. If you are truly concerned about your kids living in a two-parent home, you will need to make sacrifices. That means putting your alternative reality on hold while you focus on preserving the one your family lives in. If your wife is willing to meet you halfway, the marriage has already improved. Seize the opportunity.