We don’t want to come off like your parents, but your years spent in college are the best times of your life. It’s not because of the great things you will learn that will shape you into the bright and noble man you will be in your 30s, it’s because of all of the extracurricular stuff you get to do for the last time in your life without feeling the harsh reality of adulthood looming over your every move.
We loved college — doing kickass keg stands to impress our frat brothers, hooking up with enough girls to fill a sorority house and pulling off perfect attendance for not one but three classes despite the fact we just attended the tests. And even if you’re eager to get to your classes, there’s something you and every frat boy meathead have in common: a love for bars and greasy food at three A.M.
We’ve taken it upon ourselves to pick ten schools at random to spotlight where you need to go for a night on the town and where you need to crawl to when the bars close and all you can think about is food to soak up the concoction you’ve been brewing in your stomach.
Dirty Martin’s Place: Right in the heart of the UT Drag, this Texas Longhorns staple has been a campus favorite for many years. Pumping out the best greasy burgers and fair-priced beer, there’s no wonder why. If you’re not one for drinking where you eat, rack ’em up for a quick game of eight-ball at The Hole in the Wall, a small arcade bar on the Drag which has an extensive happy hour menu Monday to Friday, 3-8 P.M.
Kerbey Lane Café:Just down the road from Hole in the Wall is Kerbey Lane Café, the best 24-hour diner in all of Austin. In fact, it’s probably the cleanest and hippest place to grab a bite after a long night of drinking on our list, and its extensive menu has dishes for everyone from extreme carnivores to timid vegans, which is a rare quality to find in a 24-hour diner.
Girl: Abigale Alayne
CJ’s and Quarter Barrel Brewery & Pub: The tricky thing with Miami University is that it is smack dab in the middle of nowhere. A lot of its residents enjoy that about the school, dubbed “the Mother of all Fraternities,” but some look out at the rolling hills of Ohio and want to hop on the first bus out of there. The good thing about attending a school in a smaller town is that there are a lot of bars to choose from in a little space. If you’re looking for quantity over quality, head over to MU staple CJ’s, where you can get 90-cent pints on ’90s night. If you want to chill out with friends and sip on some expensive microbrews, go to Quarter Barrel Brewery & Pub, but don’t expect anyone to fawn over your story about how you woke up in a bed with three chicks last night, since it tends to draw an older crowd.
Waffle House: The downside of living in a small town is that there are not many places to choose from when you’re looking for a large fry and cheeseburger in the wee hours. There is, however, a Waffle House. Not bad.
Girl: Francesa Frigo
Bullwinkle’s: There are a ton of places to go in Tallahassee for a pint or a mixed drink, but many students tend to stay on the Tennessee strip. It may have a funny name, but Bullwinkle’s Saloon has become synonymous with FSU. Bullwinkle’s has incredible drink deals (some days patrons can pay an entrance fee of 10 bucks and drink all they want for hours) and is always jam-packed with the sexiest university girls. Remember, Tallahassee is a two-college town, so be prepared to party hard anytime you and your crew hit the town.
Sir Cheezy: Just because you’re learning down south doesn’t mean that hip things like food trucks haven’t made their way down to Florida! Sir Cheezy’s grilled cheese food truck, Cheeze Force One, is usually parked at midtown to serve the hordes of stiletto-wearing beer zombies who wouldn’t be caught dead eating a carb until about 2:30 am.
Girl: Amanda Cerny
Sandbar or The Neighborhood: Hop on Bill’s Bus and head to downtown Santa Barbara for a night of body shots, mojitos and the imminent walk of shame. Bill’s Bus has been catering to the UC students stranded on Isla Vista for the past 20 years or so and only costs 10 bucks for a round-trip. Once you get downtown, the students usually part ways and head either to the Sandbar, a tequila bar which combines everything you’d ever want in a bar like hot guest bartenders, crazy drink deals, live music and the hottest DJs, or the other student favorite hangout, The Neighborhood. Depending on what kind of night you want to have, these are two of the best choices downtown.
Freebirds World Burrito: Once you’re home in Isla Vista, head over to the 24-hour Freebirds World Burrito, if your tired body can make it that far. Call ahead and get an order of their world-famous nachos to go, but just be sure no one else in the dorm is awake or you’ll be forced to share your delicious Mexican bounty.
Girl: Juiliette Rosee
Cutters Pub: During your time at the University of Georgia you’ll spend a lot of time on Broad and Clayton Street. The two are littered with student-friendly bars, great drink specials and a lot of different atmospheres to choose from. Our favorite is Cutters Pub, a place that seems to draw a more mature crowd than others and has the kindest bartenders we’ve ever met.
The Grill: This place is the ultimate greasy spoon. It looks like a ’50s diner, despite the fact it opened its doors only 20 years ago, and serves exactly what a place like this should and nothing more. Choose from their many burgers and sandwiches and be sure to get a hearty helping of their fresh-cut fries. Your gut is going to need it after all of those one-dollar shots you got somewhere between Cutters and General Beauregard’s.