<p>Avoid emoticons, don't act needy, and more texting advice from The Pick Up's Nick Savoy.</p>
If you’re good at texting—especially flirting through text—you’re going to have more success with women. We’ve already done an intro on how to text women so today let’s flip things around and cover what not to text.
These are passive-aggressive and needy messages, along with classics like “are you ignoring me?” or “you must be really busy.” Neediness is dating death. You never, ever, ever want a woman to think of you as needy.
If she didn’t respond to your last text, pretend you never sent it. Especially if you’ve only seen her once or twice, the kind of man she wants isn’t going to be so obsessed with her so soon.
(You’ll find it easier to have this attitude if you have an active social and dating life and are flirting with and dating multiple women. If there’s only one woman you’re pursuing, you’re much more likely to come across as needy or insecure, even if you’re not.)
As a rule of thumb, leave one extra day between each text. So if you text her Tuesday and she doesn’t respond, send the next one on Thursday. If she still doesn’t respond, wait until Sunday. And so on.
If she doesn’t respond to a few texts, then the phone number has “gone cold.” That doesn’t mean that it’s useless. There are a lot of ways to reengage with these women (there’s even a bonus book that comes with the Ultimate Guide to Phone and Text Game called Revitalizing Old Phone Numbers). For example, wait a few weeks and then send her the text, “I just met your twin.” Try it.
A happy face once in a while to let her know that you’re joking or teasing is fine. But if you use a lot of emoticons, you’ll sound like a 13-year-old girl. Another rule of thumb: no more than one smiley per 10 texts.
Winks can come across as creepy or highly sexual in a way that wasn’t intentional. To some women, there’s a difference between “let’s meet up soon” and “let’s meet up soon ;)” or “let’s hang out” versus “let’s hang out ;)”
There’s nothing wrong with getting sexual in text messages. It’s actually a great way to escalate the situation sometimes, because women will often tell you something via text that they might not in person. But when you go sexual, do it on purpose, not because you used too many winks and she got the wrong idea.
There’s nothing wrong with saying hi—but if that’s all you got, she’s going to be bored very quickly. What you’re telling her is that you’d like to talk to her, but you don’t really know how to flirt and you’d like her to do all the work.
Just like when you approach a woman at a bar or coffee shop or party, be sure you have something to say. The Ultimate Guide to Phone and Text Game includes thousands of text messages and how to make your own and use them all. There’s absolutely no excuse for boring her.
If you’re completely stuck, imagine that you already texted her and asked how she’s doing. She just responded with “I’m great thanks! What’s new and interesting in your world?” Now start the conversation.
Chatspeak comes from when we all had crappy phones that had to cycle through letters to get the one you wanted. If you still have a crappy old phone from 10 years ago, don’t advertise this to her.
It’s not the end of the world if you do stuff like saying “U” instead of “you” once in a while, but in general, write normally. You’re not tweeting, and there’s no woman in the world who would think, “Wow, I love how efficient he is with his text character length. I can’t wait to see him again.”
Nick Savoy is an instructor with Love Systems, the number one source of dating advice for men since 2004, and is a regular contributor to The Attraction Forums and Playboy.com’s The Pick Up.