SHE LIKES MEN CLEAN

Men don't groom or clean themselves the way women do, but they should. Women are as turned on by visual stimuli as men are. I am so turned off by body hair, especially if it's coming out of a man's shirt. I like it when a man's pubic hair is about half an inch in length and his testicles are completely shaved. Men shouldn't forget to pay attention to their nose hair, ear hair, eyebrows and toes. They should invest in a good toothbrush. And when a man gets a haircut, he should shave the hair on the back of his neck so he has a polished look. I've always thought about opening a salon divided into three parts: Pinky Cheeks for Women on one side, Puppy Groom for Men on the other and the Good-to-Go Martini Bar in between. That way everyone can get nice and clean, then meet for cocktails.

BUT SHE'LL GET DIRTY

Sex is 95 percent in the head. If I find a man who's open-minded, clean and in touch with his feminine side, there's no doubt we'd have mind-blowing sex regardless of his looks. Once I find the right guy, I treat him well. I'll dress up as a maid or a nurse or a nasty sex queen. I'll put red lightbulbs in my lamps, spray perfume in the air, light incense, turn on some sexy music and open a bottle of wine. I'll suck on his nipples, bite and chew on his ears while whispering sweet nothings to him, caress his testicles and take him in my mouth. Then I'll wrap a pearl bracelet around his penis. It adds another dimension to sex. I don't mind using a vibrator, either. Other times I feel like telling my man, "Don't work. Just lie there and let me please you. I'll eat you up. You can come and then just fall asleep."