7. Like Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, you and your girlfriend Justine have decided not to get married. "You know I love your mother too much to marry her," you told your daughter. What are the advantages to not being married to your partner?
JL: It's like permanent booty call, and that's a beautiful thing. Not being married, you work harder at the relationship because you know anybody can walk at any time. I don't like taking each other for granted. I was married once, and happily divorced. You start taking each other for granted. You really do. You say those "I do's," you sign the papers and all of a sudden you think you don't have to do anything else. I like the fact that there's a little edge because I love Teeny to death and I want us to be together forever.
8. There are a lot of porn movie titles taken from Hollywood movies. Some favorites are Shaving Ryan's Privates and Rambone. One of yours was remade as Super Barrio Bros. with two Latin guys in those overalls. So, what's your view of porn?
JL: Usually I'm laying down...from a prone position.... I love porn. I think it's amazing. I think it's such a cool thing. Why not have it, let people get a release? Fuck it, it makes for less tense people out there, less horny, annoying guys out there bothering people. I think it's awesome.
9. In your show, you make a very funny joke about training for oral sex in the car. Where's the wildest place you've ever had sex?
JL: Wow. I think it was a national park in the waterfalls. My girlfriend's going to be upset, because it wasn't her. We were on a tour and we got ahead of the tour guide and everybody and ran into the woods. Something about being outdoors in nature makes me horny as I don't know. I was Testosterone Man. Just the waterfalls.... We did it right there in public, hurrying up before the tour caught up. It was amazing. We went right in the water.
10. Are you a breast, leg or an ass man?
JL: How do you pick? It's so hard. I gotta say ass. I love a good booty. I love women with full bodies. I love a zaftig woman. I don't like those skinny, scrawny things. "Hey, eat a bun. Stop at the restaurant. Get something to eat." Latin men like full-figured women.
11. Justine is a Jewish mom and you're a Latino dad. Was there ever any debate about circumcising your kids?
JL: Actually, no. We talked about it, and I said there's no way they're going to be circumcised, and she was totally cool with it. It's a beautiful thing. Back in history, so was lip plates and all kinds of piercing and neck-stretching, but I think to the modern world, it's not medically necessary at all. Actually, from what I've read, guys lose feeling by doing that. I want my son to have all the feeling he can have. Growing up in New York City, a lot of my friends weren't circumcised, and my dad's not circumcised and none of my family members are circumcised, so to me that was normal. When I saw some white kids circumcised, it looked like a mutilated monster. I thought someone had done a Frankensteinian surgery. It was weird to me...it was really bizarre. Leo DiCaprio isn't. I never saw it, but he told me.
12. What's better than sex?
JL: Massages can be really good, but a freaking good dessert can be really good, too. Anything with banana and chocolate. That's all you have to have is banana and chocolate, I'm there. And caramel.
