From his Chicago studio, nationally syndicated radio provocateur Mancow Muller challenges offenders of freedom across the country with his uncensored radio banter and over-the-top stunts on Mancow's Morning Madhouse. The erstwhile Erich Muller enters new territory as the author of Dad, Dames, Demons, and a Dwarf, a graphic and confessional autobiography chronicling the death of his father and his discovery of true freedom, sexual and otherwise, in the permissive city of Amsterdam. The hardback tell-all recounts his dozens of raunchy encounters, in gory detail, from Thai prostitutes to European flight attendants. In the Playboy.com Dirty Dozen, he comes clean about an orgy with 30 women, sex with a throw pillow and his patented Three-Eyed Turtle.

1. Of the sexual escapades you chronicle in your book, our favorite is a complicated sex trick you invented. Can you describe this elaborate position?

Mancow: It's called the Three-Eyed Turtle, and it involves an attachment called "The Rectifier," which is a thin rod that hangs off the penis. If you are having sex doggy style, The Rectifier goes in her you-know-where, your penis goes in her vagina, you use your hand to manipulate her clitoris, your other hand is on her breast and your mouth is on her neck. Every area is stimulated. Women say that once they've been Three-Eyed Turtled they almost don't want to go back to black men.

2. Are you good in bed?

MM: I don't know. Women tell me I am, but every woman's told me I'm the best and the biggest, and you know they're lying. But they're going to tell that to every guy because our egos are so fragile. It's a depressing thing when you think about it because most men learn about sex from watching porno movies, and that's a mistake because that's really not the way women like sex. It's a cliché, but the key is communication. My number-one concern in bed is that the woman is having fun and that she's pleased. You just have to know the three C's: communication, communication and cunnilingus. Or the three S's: sex, sambuca and Sinatra.

3. Do you prefer giving or receiving oral sex?

MM: I love giving oral sex. Maybe it's because I looked at Playboy in the Seventies, but I don't like that shaved, bald thing that women are doing now. I feel like I'm licking a raw chicken. I don't like it naked. I like that nice Seventies bush, so you look up over the well-groomed bush, over the flat stomach, between the breasts, and you can see her face, mouth open, moaning, the hair spilling down... Oh, my God! Is there anything better than that view?

4. What's your favorite part of the female anatomy?

MM: Could I say her heart? Is her soul a part of it? I'm not writing a Harlequin novel here. It starts with a "v." You figure it out.

5. What's the most number of people you've ever had sex with in a day?

MM: Thirty. I was invited to a very exclusive party at a club in Amsterdam where I was named the honorary Mayor of Amsterdam. It was a dog-pile of 30 women, and it was spectacular, like that Eminem Superman video: just me in this swirling pit of naked human flesh. They were absolutely beautiful girls. It was Sodom and Gomorrah. And I don't know that it's something that I'm very proud of. Wonderful at the time, but pretty depraved.

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Photo: Chad Doering