MM: A fast food joint in Warrensburg, Missouri in a filthy bathroom. The girl looked up at me and said, "Do you want to come in the toilet you're sitting on, or the one that's sucking you?" which is really filthy.

7. Ever had sex in an airplane?

MM: Several times. It's very tight...if the stewardess isn't too old. Only, don't call them "stewardess." They prefer "waitress."

8. Have you ever used drugs to enhance your sexual experience?

MM: Yeah. There was a professional wrestler who gave me medical grade ecstasy from Germany, and it made sex fantastic. However, I was alone. That's the truth. He gave it to me at nine in the morning. I had a raging erection. I was going out of my mind and I actually fucked a throw pillow on my couch. And it was velvet-covered, so I had to get rid of it. The best sex I've ever had was with a throw pillow on ecstasy. And I love smoking weed and having sex, yeah.

9. What celebrity would you most like to have sex with?

MM: I'd like to have sex with Olivia Newton-John, but Grease-era. "Shake Shack," that scene in Grease. The first time I ever had an erection and I knew it was sexual I was watching the movie Heavy Metal, and it was a naked woman riding a bald, flying chicken. My first sexual thoughts were about a cartoon. That's really sick. And also when Bugs Bunny used to dress up like a girl... Instant wood.

10. Any nicknames for your penis?

MM: I've called it Darth Vader before, because with the helmet and everything it looks like a little Darth Vader, although it's not black. It's the good Darth Vader, kind of the Anakin Skywalker of penises, but not the old, shriveled-up man at the end of Jedi, but more like the mid-second trilogy.... I don't know. No, I don't have any fucking names for my penis.

11. Do you talk dirty while making love?

MM: Yes, but you have to be very careful when you talk dirty, because it can go one of three ways: It can be sexy; it can be so dirty that they start laughing and it ruins the mood; or it can be so creepy that they think you're a serial killer. Sometimes I veer off. They start laughing or they think, "I've got to get out of here, this man's going to kill me." Kind of like Punch-Drunk Love where Adam Sandler says, "I'm going to punch you in the face," and it's pillow talk, baby.

12. What's better than sex?

MM: There are things that come close. Charmin toilet paper with aloe is the greatest invention ever. The right song on the radio on a summer day, with the top down, cruising down Lake Shore Drive, looking at all the girls on their bikes and roller skates is pretty spectacular. There's a lot of simple pleasures in life. That, and sticking your thumb in pudding.

01 · 02

Photo: Chad Doering