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The Descendents


By Antonia Simigis

"I wanted her cherry/I got sour grapes." That's just one of the many musical gripes about love from Milo Aukerman, who has made a punk rock career out of not getting any. As frontman for the Descendents, the bespectacled singer has spent the last 20 years acting as spokesnerd for sexually constrained nice guys everywhere. "We weren't looking to use our music to get laid," he explains. "We just wanted to have an outlet to express our frustration at not getting laid."

Over the years, Milo has lived up to his lyrics. Leaving the groupies to his bandmates, he opted instead to increase his daily caffeine intake to levels that would kill a bull, complete a Ph.D. in biochemistry, and even get hitched along the way. As the Descendents release their first album in eight years, we thought we'd quiz Milo about his sex life (and lack thereof).


1. We heard you started a band because of frustration with the opposite sex.

Milo Aukerman: I didn't know how to talk to girls, and I was convinced they thought they were too good for me. What then developed was a pretty typical case of teenage misogyny -- you know, You're not gonna fuck me, so fuck off! In retrospect, if I hadn't been so clueless about girls, I might have gotten laid a few times and then I wouldn't have been so pissed off.

2. What advantages do nerds have when it comes to women?

MA: Nerds can do their girlfriends' trig homework for them. Plus, all nerds have to hope that some women are put off by "macho" jock behavior, and will try out a more "sensitive" male. Although there's no reason to believe that a nerd would be any more sensitive to a woman's needs than a jock.

3. Do chicks dig glasses?

MA: Yeah, the ones who need to get their trig homework done.

4. Who was your ultimate teenage fantasy?

MA: I was really hot for Exene Cervenka of X. She wore sexy dresses and wrote great lyrics. To a 17-year-old virgin like myself, she seemed very dangerous.

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