How to Come Together
Achieving simultaneous orgasms is the ultimate climax
By Sarah Fielding
When it comes to sex, timing is everything. Come too soon, and your partner may be left with the frustrating task of taking matters into her own hands. Take too long, and she may be making mental shopping lists by the time you finish up. Sure, you might not even want to come together every time, but when you do, a few simple techniques will assure you have total control. And after all, it's so much fun to practice.
Back to basics
While some people can effortlessly match their partner when it comes to coming, for most of us, the simultaneous orgasm is a learned art. In order to come together, you first need to learn how to come separately.
Typically, women take longer to get warmed up than men do, so if you're aiming to make it together, spend some time ensuring that she's well aroused. For the majority of women, orgasms are most frequently achieved by clitoral stimulation, either manually or orally. Once climaxing through clitoral stimulation has been mastered, women are better able to master simultaneous orgasm. Likewise, you need to be the master of your own domain. You need to be able to control your own arousal and fend off a fast-approaching orgasm to allow your partner to get up to speed. All this hand-eye coordination requires practice, so don't be discouraged if it takes you a while to, er, grasp this technique.
The perfect position
Women who orgasm through clitoral stimulation should opt for a sexual position that allows the clitoris to be stimulated during intercourse. For some women, indirect stimulation -- such as a man's pubic bone grinding against the vulva -- can be enough. One position that provides this kind of contact and stimulation is the coital alignment technique (CAT). Don't let the clinical name fool you -- it's worth a try.
Doing the CAT
A variation of the missionary position, the CAT allows for rhythmic clitoral stimulation during intercourse, which most agree is essential to mutual orgasms. Here's how: Rest your full weight on the woman, who is comfortably positioned on her back. Both your pelvis and hers must be aligned and the base of your penis should be positioned to come in contact with her clitoris. The woman then wraps her legs around yours and then you gently rock against each other. The aim is to continue a steady rhythm rather than speeding up as orgasm approaches.
A top position
A woman-on-top facing forward position also allows for easy access to the clitoris which can be manually stimulated by a dexterous lover -- or the woman herself -- while she rides. "I once dated this guy who was an absolute expert at getting me to come when he did. It only worked when I was on top, and he would rub my clit with his fingers. He could orchestrate the whole timing thing so that he worked me faster as he got closer. It worked every time," says Chloe.
Use her muscle
It's not only up to you to master simultaneous orgasm. Women with expertly toned pelvic floor muscles also tend to be more skilled at achieving simultaneous orgasms. These ladies have a good grip on what's required to take them over the edge -- and their partner with them. Controlling the clench and release of pelvis floor muscles during intercourse allows the woman to rhythmically stimulate her partner in time with her own arousal. With practice, a woman can literally draw an orgasm out of a lover -- timing it perfectly with her own climax.
Tell it like it is
If a simultaneous orgasm is what you crave, now is not the time to be shy. "It's no good telling your partner you're coming when you actually are. You need to give time to catch up if you want to come together," says Jessica, who recommends a mutual masturbation session as a good way of understanding your partner's orgasm timeline.
You'll need to keep your communication channels open and let your partner know exactly how you're feeling and how you're progressing on your own personal path to climaxing. This, too, takes practice, and you may feel self-conscious voicing these innermost thoughts at first. But in time you and your partner will be able to sense each other's approaching orgasm and do what's necessary to speed things up or slow things down, to ensure a mutually satisfying conclusion.
|
