QUESTIONS OF THE WEEK - January 11, 2007

Joe, South Bend IN:

How do I find a good divorce lawyer?

The Lawyer of Love:

Joe, Locate the most miserable divorced guy you know who lives in a rat hole because he is supporting his ex-wife and family. Ask Mr. Misery the name of the attorney who represented his wife and call that attorney. Even if you do not like this attorney, it may prevent your wife from hiring or meeting with this attorney. By engaging in an initial consultation and paying a consultation fee, you have prevented the attorney (and the law firm) from representing your spouse.

Ralph, Chicago IL:

Do divorce laws differ from state to state?

The Lawyer of Love:

Yes, every state has its own set of specific laws covering family law, which include grounds for divorce, alimony, property distribution, child support, and custody. Location, location, location, baby. Your Lawyer of Love says to seek representation to determine how your particular state law affects your rights and obligations.

David, Las Vegas NV:

How long does a divorce take?

The Lawyer of Love:

You might as well ask me when the Messiah is coming. There is absolutely no way to determine how long your divorce case will last because it is dependent on so many factors -- many of which are beyond the control of you and your lawyer. For example, if your wife is a scorned bitch and you have tons of money, expect your case to take at least 2 years. Better yet, let's say your wife is a bitch, you were cheating, you have three minor children and you presently have a girlfriend who looks like a Playmate, you better sit back and enjoy steamy hot sex because your case will not be over for a few years. The moral of this story -- the more litigious your case, the longer your divorce.