QUESTIONS OF THE WEEK - Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Roberta P., Montpelier, VT:

Hillary Clinton is all over the news since she's running for President, and I'm wondering if you think Hillary should've stayed with Bill Clinton after his numerous affairs, or if she should have divorced him.

The Lawyer of Love:

Actually, only Hillary can answer this one and she did so by staying with Billy Boy. There are actually many reasons why a wife would choose to stay married to a recidivist cheater. Hillary may stay for love, financial reasons, reluctance to give up her lifestyle, kinky cigar sex and a myriad of other reasons which may only make sense to Hillary.

Since we do not really know what goes on behind closed doors (thankfully), it is really not fair to judge or question any woman's personal decision to stand by her cheating man.

Richard C., Palos Hills, IL:

What would be the legal and practical issues involved with asking my wife to sign a prenuptial agreement after we have already been married?

The Lawyer of Love:

The agreement you are referring to is called a Postnuptial Agreement. The Postnuptial Agreement is similar to a Prenuptial Agreement but you must have consideration and it must not be done in contemplation of a divorce. The legal issues involved, though complicated, are actually simpler than the practical issues.

I am guessing that you either became successful after the marriage and do not want to share it with your wife or you have a hot girlfriend and are contemplating freedom. From a practical perspective, unless you are offering your spouse eternal youth, unlimited sex with the boy toy of her choice and 10 million dollars, she may not agree to the Postnuptial Agreement. Further, the suggestion may even make her suspicious.

Deanne H., Chicago, IL:

I have been married for over 20 years and have two young children. I am very unhappy and have just returned back to work now that my kids are school age. What should I have in place prior to filing for divorce? My husband and I do own a home and I cannot afford the payment alone, but may be able to handle it with child support. But I do not want to depend on it. I do fear my husband's reaction once I do file for divorce. I want to know what I can do to be proactive. I do love my husband but he is emotionally problematic, just plain crazy and not worth dying for. I want to get out before my kids or self become harmed.

The Lawyer of Love:

Kudos to you for having the intelligence to know that you need a game plan PRIOR to making a decision. Prior to divorce, it is imperative that you see a divorce lawyer who can educate you about your rights, present you with more than one option which may even include marriage counseling, and give you more than one game plan to protect you and your children. Only after a thorough review of your specific facts can the lawyer then explain what needs to be in place to effectuate your specific goals.

Dave H., Bartlett, IL:

I have been married for 11 years and have one daughter. My wife found out that I had an affair three years ago but stayed with me to try to work things out. If I file for divorce, does the fact that it happened three years ago help or hurt my case?

The Lawyer of Love:

My answer depends upon whether you and your wife actually tried to work things out and were also having sexual relations during the 3-year period of time. If you were not having sexual relations during this period of time, you may not only have blue balls, your spouse may try to recover any funds you may have spent on your affair if such funds are traceable. In the simplest of terms, your wife may try to claim that there was an "irretrievable breakdown" in the marriage during those three years and any funds you spent for the hot lingerie, sex toys and vacations with your play pal may be paid back to the marital estate and out of your side of the ledger. Of course, this is more is involved but I am simplifying it for you.

No, we are not done with your inquisition. If you engage in a custody dispute, rest assured any and all mudslinging, whether relevant or irrelevant, will be used against you. So, if you were ignoring the needs of your child in favor of your gal pal's DD breasts, then expect this to come back and bite you in the ass. No, I did not say whether you will lose the custody battle, I said you can expect to hear about your affair during your case and you need to prepare accordingly.

Gabe T., Keller, TX:

My wife is planning to file. I can't afford a lawyer so I could use any or all advice. For the last three years, I was the sole provider -- for the most part working "eight days a week" as I called it. She went nutso, even as far as being admitted in the loony ward for thinking she was going to commit suicide. Now she is on who knows how many or what kind of antidepressants. There are two children involved and I will have to give child support -- and I'm willing to do so -- but I don't make a lot of money. I'm trying to be civil with her so we can have a happy medium with the kids with joint custody. But now she is asking for more, since I do side work and don't claim it on our income tax, and she's threatening with turning me in. My question is how far can I push the mental state as far as her being a stable mom and her tax issues? I rather it be peaceful, but you don't know women until you see them in court.

The Lawyer of Love:

She can threaten all she wants but if she is desirous of support, then it would be unwise to "kill the goose that laid the golden egg." If your wife executed tax returns with you, it may be unwise for her to threaten you with IRS action. For obvious reasons, it would be wise to amend your tax returns and report the income.

If her mental state is as bad as you contend, grow some balls, take out loans, hire a lawyer and do whatever it takes to protect your children.

John R., Willow Grove, NJ:

My ex- has been dragging our divorce out for two years. We have a property settlement and I have paid her lawyer $2000 to date. She stills owes her lawyer $1500 and she is a pathological liar. Her lawyer can't tell me anything, but I get a feeling she wants her money. I don't want to scrap the whole thing and start over. How can I make her finish what we started? I can't withhold anything, and our daughter lives with me because she has had enough of her too. Any way of getting her moving?

The Lawyer of Love:

You have 2 options. You can pay her lawyer the $1500 and be done because you already have a settlement agreement (according to what you have stated). Or you can request that the case proceed to trial and pay your own lawyer and possibly her lawyer much more than $1500 for the pleasure.

Brother G., Chicago, IL:

I have been thinking about having more kids. I already have one which resulted in a crazy custody case. He lives with me now and I was thinking about having some siblings for him. I have been dating an 11-year-younger woman who is ready for kids and shows a lot of attention to my son. What do you think? Should I just keep what I have and forget about the rest, or take a chance and see what happens? I just don't want to get married.

The Lawyer of Love:

Perhaps you should call the psychic network and see if they are having a sale on child-rearing readings? If you are truly desirous of having more children without the strings attached, then research adoption alternatives or a surrogate to give birth to the child. If you cannot make up your mind, consider having more child-oriented parties and play dates for your son. You can also enlist nieces and nephews to widen your son's sphere of family and friends. The parties and presence of more children will either cause you to schedule a vasectomy or to decide to have more children, whether biological or adopted.

Roger M., Las Vegas, NV:

I am married with three young children (all under the age of five). My wife is a stay-at-home mom and we haven't had sex in over a year, since the twins were born. I recently started a relationship with my business partner and she has just told me that she's pregnant, the baby is mine and that she's going to tell my wife about our affair if I don't pay her a certain amount of support every month. What are my options?

The Lawyer of Love:

Take your wife on a romantic Italian Riviera trip as soon as possible. Wine and dine her and make sure you have plenty of Tiffany's boxes with jewelry and Viagra for each and every night. Then, at the end of the trip (why waste a great vacation if she flips out), tell her what transpired and ask for forgiveness. If you love your wife, do whatever it takes to grovel and show how badly you feel. Hopefully, after all the stages of anger, denial, etc., she will forgive you. In the meantime, make sure to wear a steel plated jockstrap to bed each and every night. As to the girlfriend, you have eliminated her idle threats by informing your wife of the affair and pregnancy. You may want to hire a business lawyer to properly dissolve your partnership or to learn how to protect your business interests. If your business "partner" is making threats, chances are very high that you two will not withstand a business relationship for very long. Then read my answer to the question about the possible new addition to your family and how to protect yourself.

Tim W., New Haven, CT:

I'm a divorced man with three adult children and am thinking of getting married again. My girlfriend is significantly younger and has two young kids. She keeps telling me that she wants me to adopt her kids (their dad died), but I'm not sure I want that responsibility. If I adopt the kids, and we get divorced, do I have to support her kids, even though they aren't mine biologically?

The Lawyer of Love:

Obviously, she did her homework. How lucky you are to have the LOL come to your rescue! Yes, if you adopt her children and you get divorced, you will have to pay child support if you do not have legal custody of these children. Further, if you legally adopt her children and your state requires college contribution, you will be responsible to contribute to her kids' college tuition and expenses. Her children may also be considered legal heirs to your estate when you die.

Stephen D., Myrtle Beach, SC:

My wife and I are every bit in love. We have a hot and steamy sex life. We are both voyeurs. We have been discussing entering the swinging lifestyle as we are both aroused watching each other with someone else. Have you seen strong marriages go south due to an attempt at enhancing an already wonderful sex life in this manner?

The Lawyer of Love:

If both spouses are confident, secure with their own sexuality and trust their spouse, the swinging lifestyle may serve to enhance the marriage and sex life of both spouses. However, if one spouse is only placating the other spouse by participating in this lifestyle, it may be a detriment to the marriage. Likewise, any lack of trust and insecurities may be heightened if one spouse suddenly gets jealous and views the lifestyle as a threat to the marriage. It takes two very confident, loving and trusting people to be able to view and act upon this lifestyle purely for the sexual enhancement of the couple.