QUESTIONS OF THE WEEK - Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Paris M., Reno, NV:

Tom Brady had a baby with his actress ex-girlfriend whom he dated before Giselle, but I haven't heard anything about him paying his ex child support. If Tom lives in Massachusetts and his ex lives in California, which child support rules apply? Also, can his ex get more child support if Tom never sees his kid?

The Lawyer of Love:

Tom's ex, Bridget Moynihan, would probably file for child support in California if she can establish personal jurisdiction over Tom in California. Personal jurisdiction is established if Bridget can show that Tom has contacts with the state of California and it would be fair and foreseeable for Tom to litigate there. If she cannot establish contacts in California, she may need to file in another state such as Massachusetts.

If Bridget has a creative lawyer, the lawyer may try to argue in favor of what is called a "deviation from child support guidelines." This will allow Bridget's counsel to request above guideline support (more support for Bridget). Whether the request for above guideline support may be granted will be based upon numerous items, including but not limited to facts in the case, legal precedent, statutory factors, credibility of the witnesses and the judge's discretion.

Aaron H., Chester, IL:

I'm going through divorce, and I have been paying for everything at the house. Then I gave her a check for $1200. I went through records and I found out I was paying too much, so I dropped the payment to $880 a month. Now she won't let me see my son and she has been holding him out of school so I won't get him. I have no intentions of kidnapping him. There has been no ruling by judge. I just fired my attorney. What can I do to get my son out of the middle of this?

The Lawyer of Love:

Unless you can find a way to clone your son, your son will be involved in your divorce. The question you need to ask is how you can minimize the harm to your son during the divorce proceedings. First, quit thinking you know all and stop micro-managing your own case. Second, hire a competent attorney who can handle all aspects of the case. For example, the payment of child support has nothing to do with visitation with your child. Even if you were not paying support, your wife may not withhold visitation unless she can show you are seriously endangering the child. The longer you sit on your ass and do not take steps in court to rectify this mess, the more damage you will cause to your son by failing to be involved in his life.

Jay L., Riverside, CA:

I have a girlfriend in Nigeria. She is an American citizen and wants to be with me. The hold-up is that the American Embassy wants her to post $2500 for a BTA before allowing her to leave the country. I am having a hard time raising the money. What else can I do to get her here?

The Lawyer of Love:

Unless she's an Olympic caliber long-distance swimmer, you may need to get another job or enlist family and friends to loan you the money.

Brad M., New York, NY:

Currently I am preparing to file for a divorce against my wife. Over the summer, I learned she had been cheating on me because I am always gone on business trips. We have three kids, and she does work as well. I just took a new position in my company that leaves me sitting at home full time. So I am home with the kids. Will this affair she is going through help me gain custody of my kids?

The Lawyer of Love:

Perhaps your wife was cheating while you were on business trips because you were not taking care of "business" as far as her intimacy needs. While not an excuse for an affair, it may force you to come to some realizations about your marriage.

You stated that you are now in a position to be Mr. Mom. Your new Mr. Mom role may serve as a better source ultimately to gain custody of your children. While her affair may assist during a divorce, you were also not attending to the needs of the children while she was getting off during her torrid tryst. A better strategy, if possible, may be to establish some history as the caretaker of your children while staying married. With any luck, maybe you will surprise yourself and never see the inside of a divorce court. If not, at least you attempted to make the marriage work with no regrets, cared for the needs of your children while possibly situating yourself in a better state to make a case for custody.

Josh D., Lewisville, TX:

I know custodial issues can't be covered by a prenup, but can an agreement to not pay alimony or maintenance be covered by a prenup?

The Lawyer of Love:

Absolutely. This is one of the many benefits of procuring a prenuptial agreement -- to prevent a gold-digger from profiting from your success and hard work. You must be forewarned that you may not be able to leave your wife penniless. Many states adopt the Uniform Premarital Agreement Act, which states that the court may require you to provide support, regardless of the terms of the prenuptial agreement, if circumstances which were not foreseeable at the time of the agreement cause undue hardship to your wife. Fortunately, "undue hardship" does not mean that, at the time of divorce, she must purchase clothing at a thrift store instead of flying to Italy for such expenditures, even if she had done that while married. Don't worry too much, because your gold-digging wife will be required to show "abject poverty."

Patrick M., Houston, TX:

I am married and had a question about personal debt. I have a mortgage in my name along with credit cards with a balance. If something unfortunate happens to me, would my wife assume my debt even if these are in my name?

The Lawyer of Love:

There may be statutory authority in your state that may render your spouse liable for certain debts in your name. Depending on the facts, there may also be legal mechanisms that may be used to protect your estate. You need to consult with a competent estate planning attorney to determine the best strategy to adequately shelter your wife from your creditors.

Allen T., Myrtle Beach, SC:

I am 38 years old and my girlfriend is 29. I am totally in love with her and want her to move in with me. I own my own home, and she is refusing until I put her name on the title to my house. I keep telling her that it's not necessary, that I love her and want to live with her. What should I do? If I put her on title to my house and we break up, will she get half of my house?

The Lawyer of Love:

If your definition of being in love includes getting screwed (in the bad sense of the term), then by all means why don't you invite her (and her hot friends) to move in and add her name to the title? The net effect is giving up a portion of your house and thousands of dollars in attorneys' fees to litigate when the relationship ends with this loving soul. Ask yourself: What has she contributed to your house that she would not otherwise contribute by living in another household and dating you? Save yourself some grief and search for someone who loves you -- not someone who sees you as a gravy train ride.

Mark L., Burbank, CA:

I just started seeing a woman and I think that she could be the one! We just click and things are going so well (we've been seeing each other for about two months). I'm ready to ask her to move in with me and get married, but all of my friends tell me I should wait longer -- what do you think?

The Lawyer of Love:

I think either you had a lobotomy or this woman's vagina sings "La Boheme." Why is there such a hurry to move in and get married after 60 days? Take your time and get to know this woman and find out if you are truly compatible in real-life scenarios. Get to know your love further by taking a 14-day camping trip in the swamps of Africa without any amenities and then tell me when you come back whether "she is the one."

Jill A., Myrtle Beach, SC:

My boyfriend and I have decided we do not want to get married yet. We have two kids who are three and five, and currently live in a house owned by my boyfriend. We are looking to buy a bigger house now and are going to take the money we get from selling his house and put it into the new house, which will be in both our names. My boyfriend says that if we break up, the new house will go to him because the money for the new house came from his old house. Is this true? How can I protect myself and my kids? I am currently a stay-at-home mom.

The Lawyer of Love:

If he adds your name to title -- and depending on how title is held -- he may have a difficult time showing that he solely receives the new house. You need to hire your own attorney who can counsel you on protecting yourself and providing the best strategy for you. You should also read my answer to Robert in Pensacola for guidance.

Tamara H., Des Moines, IA:

Just read in the newspaper that Eddie Murphy and his new bride have split up after less than a week of marriage. If they get divorced, what will his wife get as a settlement since they were only married for a week?

The Lawyer of Love:

Eddie and Tracey Edmonds were never legally hitched, they merely had a ceremonial wedding in Bora Bora and had planned to legally marry upon their return to the U.S. They never made it that far. Essentially, Eddie paid dearly for a dress rehearsal and an expensive vacation for himself and Tracey's family and "closest" 300 friends. Luckily for Eddie, he probably saved money by not being a candidate in the Elizabeth Taylor Encyclopedia on divorce.