QUESTIONS OF THE WEEK - Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Lakisha L., Las Vegas, NV:

I just read that Pink and her husband are splitting up. When they get divorced, will he get royalties from songs that she recorded during their marriage? That just does not seem fair.

The Lawyer of Love:

Who said life was fair? Luckily for Pink, she was only married for two years. The answer to your question cannot be easily ascertained without much more information from the Pink camp. Song royalties may be deemed "marital property," if certain criteria are met. However, even the classification process ("marital versus non-marital") takes on differing analysis depending on where Pink files her divorce because state law does not appear to have uniform approaches in this regard. To make the analysis even thornier, there are at least four types of music royalties which are each derived from a separate and distinct copyright and each distinct type of royalty is usually calculated and paid according to varying formulas and the terms of the contract. All in all, do not feel so bad for Pink; I am sure she can trade her song royalties, if any, for some of Carey's cool motocross bikes.

Mike L., Chicago, IL :

My wife has informed me that she no longer is in love with me and hasn't been for quite some time. Up until the day she told me this we did everything together. I was blown away! She started a new job seven months earlier and I found out she was having an affair with her boss. Since I did not want to move out of our home, she left and rented her own place and we basically split time with our children. I went to counseling and asked her to go with but she refused. I didn't want this and really wanted our marriage to work. Since she left several months ago, she has done so many things to make me realize that I do not want to be with her again. I want shared custody and I don't want to lose half of my pension, or pay her much of anything. I know "Life is short," and fine, she wants a divorce. Why do I have to suffer financially for something only she wanted? This whole thing has been an emotional nightmare! She makes about a third of what I make.

The Lawyer of Love:

The glass is full -- not empty! Life is good. Be happy that you realized that she is a lying whore before it was too late. If you want equality, you are not getting it in this lifetime. At least she is employed and not living with you any longer. Stop your pity party and stop living in the past. Go hire a zealous lawyer and treat the divorce like a business transaction -- not an "emotional nightmare." After you get through the divorce and grieve this relationship, you will look back and wonder what took you so long to get rid of her. At that point, celebrate by getting laid by the hottest woman you can find.

Rob B., St. Louis, MO:

You hear all the time about celebrities and athletes who have children by several different women. Will a judge take that into consideration and lower his child support for each kid because he has other children to support?

The Lawyer of Love:

Most states have formulas for calculating child support that take into consideration other children. However, in order for this to occur, the celeb/athlete payor must be paying the prior child support obligation(s) through a court order. If it is paid voluntarily, the court may not necessarily consider it when calculating the new child support obligation.

Albert C., Ontario, Canada:

While I would like to consider myself wise beyond my years, my track record in the relationship department is not about to win me a Nobel Prize. Specifically, I seem to attract women who love me for my generous heart. While you would think this would not otherwise be a problem, I continue to strive to find the perfect woman -- a woman who possesses not just an outer beauty but an inner goodness as well. As you can probably imagine, the result of this game plan is an inordinate amount of broken and angry hearts who then take it upon themselves to turn my goodness into a lifelong annuity. Any suggestions for how to protect my "ass-ets" from this flawed lifestyle?

The Lawyer of Love:

Obviously, you are attracting ungrateful gold diggers for a reason. You are either flaunting your "assets" because you are insecure in other areas or you are needy and keep finding the same type of women who find you attractive for what you can give to them, not for what you really have to offer. If you really want to find inner beauty, stop just judging the book by its cover. Delve inside the book, take your time and read it and analyze it thoroughly before you decide if it deserves a "Nobel Prize."

Bill C., Chappaqua, NY:

My wife and I are thinking of getting divorced. We've been married about 35 years. During our marriage, I strayed and cheated a couple of times, all of which she knows about. We always got back together and were able to work things out. But now that our kids are grown and out of college, I'm ready to dump her and move on. Can a judge use it against me if I cheated on my wife 15 years ago and punish me by making me pay more money now?

The Lawyer of Love:

You may pay more money, but probably not for cheating. Chances are you probably will pay more for your divorce if you file your case in New York. Divorce in New York requires that you meet one of the four grounds for divorce -- namely, cruel and inhuman treatment, abandonment for one or more years, imprisonment for three or more years and adultery. It is important to note that New York, unlike the majority of states, does not have "no fault" divorce except where you have been separated pursuant to a separation decree or a separation agreement for more than a year and the party seeking the divorce has substantially complied with the terms of the separation decree or the separation agreement. This means that in order for you to file for divorce, you must have one of the four grounds or proceed under no fault if your wife agrees and you comply with the terms of a separation decree before being able to get divorced. Perhaps, if you are lucky, your wife will have mercy on you and claim "cruel and inhuman treatment."

Carolyn P., Kalamazoo, MI:

I was trying out match.com last summer and met a guy online. We went out a few times and really hit it off! There was great sexual chemistry, we bantered well together and enjoyed the same things in life. We would text message often, talk on the phone and e-mail. Then, out of nowhere, he stops contacting me. I didn't hear from him for several months, and now he is back in my life. He sent me a few e-mails and text messages and just left me a voicemail message saying he wants to get together. What should I do? I really enjoyed our time together, but I don't know if I trust him right now.

The Lawyer of Love:

Do what you did for the last few months he was not in your life -- pretend like he never existed and move on. What do you really know about someone you meet online other than what they tell you? If he does not work for the CIA, then he is either involved with someone or a habitual loser. In either scenario, he is not consistent and not to be trusted.

Stephen C., New York, NY:

Huge fan of yours. Prior to my wife and I getting married, we purchased a dog together, who I will refer to as "Rover." Rover has been a steadfast and loyal pet. We've been together about eight years. We start our days together with a nice long run, enjoy some quality cuddle time at night and even eat dinner together. Well, the bitch wife has up and left (fine by me), but now she's filed a motion in our divorce case to get the dog. Can she do that? She has never once taken care of the dog -- I have always taken the dog for walks and runs, to the vet and went to four different doggie obedience schools with him. Please tell me this bitch cannot get my bitch!

The Lawyer of Love:

The human bitch is most likely using "Rover" as leverage to get what she really wants -- more money. She can file whatever motion she wants -- it does not mean she will be successful. The goal is to defeat her motion. Pet custody disputes have become an increasingly common in divorce cases. You need to find an attorney who has actually litigated a pet custody case. More likely than not, if you go forward with the pet custody proceeding, you will need to assert proof of your care of the dog. You may also need to retain a professional pet evaluator to perform a "custody evaluation." Hopefully, the truth will set your real bitch straight and Roverless. Best of luck.

Amanda T., Callensburg, PA:

My fiancé doesn't like to have sex. What can I do to change his mind?

The Lawyer of Love:

Honey, if he does not like to have sex before you are married, you are in serious trouble and will be living the life of a nun during the marriage. Either your fiancé has some underlying sexual abuse issues or he had a sex change and never told you. A wise idea would be to seek out a couple's sex therapist and also ask your fiancé to engage in couple's counseling. If this does not work, you need to make some important life decisions. Having to coerce someone into having sex will just serve to lower your self-esteem and make you feel less desirable. Consider this before you walk down the wedding aisle into the convent of hell.

Susan C., Dubuque, IA:

My ex-husband and I had a nasty divorce. Currently we are having a dispute over medical expenses for our children. I say he should contribute to them but he says that he already pays me child support and that whatever is not covered by his insurance is my problem. Is he right?

The Lawyer of Love:

The answer is not clear cut. It depends on what is contained in your divorce decree and what the laws in Iowa provide with respect to uncovered medical expenses. If reimbursement is covered in your divorce decree, you may easily request reimbursement. If it is not contained in the divorce decree, you should contact a competent lawyer to determine if you can modify the divorce decree and seek reimbursement for uncovered medical expenses.

Alex D., Milwaukee, WI:

In one of your advertisements you are dressed as a dominatrix. Do you feel maintaining roles such as submissive and dom/domme in a relationship can be either helpful or hurtful to the long-term health of the relationship?

The Lawyer of Love:

The sexual health of a relationship is governed by the emotional health of the parties. The most important factor in a healthy sexual master/slave or dominatrix relationship is trust and boundaries. If both parties enjoy sexual role play and have trust, it can be extremely sexually gratifying and fun. It can also provide adventure and bring couples closer when they experience new and enjoyable ways to satisfy their lover. If bondage does not intrigue you, there are many other role play and fantasy scenarios that can be fun and exciting to spice up your sex life. If you have never done this before, try writing an essay for your lover about one of your sexual fantasies and then if she enjoys reading it, ask her to try it out in the bedroom or another locale.