QUESTIONS OF THE WEEK - Wednesday, July 30, 2008

S.T., London, England:

Why did Britney agree to give Kevin sole custody of her children? Why didn't she fight? Great column!

The Lawyer of Love:

Hmm...let's see: If you need a conservator and cannot take care of your own basic needs, then how the hell can you take care of two minor children? Good luck with convincing the judge that your erratic behavior is temporary and your children are not in danger. Because Britney is under a conservatorship, she is probably not in a very good position to qualify for legal custody.

Britney originally had joint custody of her two sons, Sean, almost 3 years old and Jayden, 22 months old. Britney then embarked upon a path of erratic behavior, which included visits to rehab, the infamous head-shaving incident and allegations of drug abuse. Kevin Federline was awarded full temporary custody in October of 2007. Thereafter, Britney further spiraled out of control. In January of 2008, she was forcibly placed in the psychiatric ward of a hospital after she refused to turn over the children to Federline. Britney was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. In February 2008, her father was appointed as a co-conservator of her estate.

On July 18, 2008, Britney and Kevin reached a full settlement, which gives Kevin sole custody of the children and provides Britney with increased visitation rights.

Britney made the correct decision. If the deck is stacked against you and you have half a brain, you negotiate the best deal possible. As Kenny Rogers said, "You have to know when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em."

Rock N., Paris, TX:

I just saw that Howard Stern is going to finally get married, but they are having two ceremonies -- one in August and one in October. Why have two ceremonies?

The Lawyer of Love:

Well, if you are Howard Stern and you are marrying a hottie like Beth, you definitely want to double your pleasure. Howard and Beth were engaged on Valentine's Day in 2007. The first wedding is considered much more intimate and will occur in August 2008 at Stern's Hampton estate in New York with family and close friends. The second wedding, scheduled for October 2008, will be a Manhattan soiree. In honor of his beautiful bride, Stern plans to sport a "B" tattoo on his ring finger. The "B" tattoo may possibly signify another word for those times when Howard is ticked at his bride.

Ted L., Atlanta, GA:

Rudy Giuliani's kid was kicked off of Duke University's golf team, and he is suing the University. Why would he do this? What is the basis for this lawsuit?

The Lawyer of Love:

Andrew Giuliani has no choice but to swing hard, follow through and save his "sudden death" from the Duke University golf team. If Andrew does not fight the coach's decision, he might as well resign himself to being Duke University's ball washer instead of the golf pro that he was destined to become. Andrew Giuliani is entering his senior year at Duke. The last coach, Rod Myers, who had been a coach at Duke for approximately 34 years, originally recruited Andrew. Unfortunately for Giuliani, O.D. Vincent took over for Coach Rod in the summer of 2007.

Andrew Giuliani was thrown off the Duke University golf team over what his lawyers claim to be "unfounded accusations" and coach Vincent's "bizarre Lord of the Flies scheme." Giuliani is represented by Robert Ekstrand, attorney for some of the members of the Duke lacrosse team accused of sexual assault. Giuliani's attorneys filed a federal lawsuit in North Carolina claiming that the university has violated its obligations to Giuliani as a student athlete. In his complaint, Giuliani demands that his training privileges be restored. According to Giuliani's complaint, on February 11, 2008, the golf coach, O.D. Vincent, announced to the team that he was canceling Giuliani's eligibility to partake in the University Athletic Program. Giuliani further contends that he was shocked, had no prior notice and was not given an opportunity to defend himself.

Apparently, the only way for Giuliani to get back on the team is with written letters of support from each and every member of the team. Giuliani claims that O.D. threatened to kick other members off the team if they showed support for Giuliani.

As to the reason for Giuliani's suspension, it is not clear. What is clear is that Andrew inherited his large "coglioni" from his father.

Jim F., Denver, CO:

I am an older gentleman and have just met a woman through work, (we do not work together but are in the same profession) and I am head over heels for her. However, I am married and due to financial issues, cannot leave my wife. The new woman has expressed concern over getting involved with me because I'm married. How can I convince her that my intentions are true, and I want to be with her?

The Lawyer of Love:

Get a divorce. Without the divorce decree, you are just like every other married guy wanting a piece of ass on the side.

Adam W., New York, NY:

My wife recently discovered gay pornography in our teenage son's room (catalogs, movies). When she showed it to me, she asked me how I thought we should handle the situation and talk to our son. I told her that our son's sexuality is his business, and he should bring the subject up with us when he is comfortable. However, she wants to confront him about his sexuality. What is the right way to handle this situation so we do not embarrass our son or hurt our relationship with him?

The Lawyer of Love:

You win the prize for sensitive parent of the year. If and when your son is comfortable, he will discuss the subject of his sexuality with you. Until such time, tell your wife to stop pillaging his room and leave him alone. Whatever you do, do not offer to fix him up with your hairdresser or buy him K-Y Jelly and butt plugs for Christmas.

William D., St. Louis, MO:

What should I do when I am absolutely in love with a gorgeous blonde and already asked her out? Should I ask her out twice? Should I give up or keep trying?

The Lawyer of Love:

Ah, love is a many-splendored thing. You may ask her out on two separate occasions. If she says no both times, then give up the dream. If you keep trying, you may find yourself handcuffed and charged with stalking.