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Timing can be everything, and to learn everything about timing there's no better place to start than The Best Time to Do Everything by Michael Kaplan. After consulting with everyone from blowhard Bill O'Reilly to blow job proponent Dan Savage, Kaplan -- a journalist who's written for Wired and Playboy -- unearthed some simple tricks to help you beat the clock. Want to learn how to play the guitar? Joey Ramone suggested you start when you're 16 and have some basic musical knowledge. Best time for a rich uncle to die? In 2010, when a loophole in the law temporarily repeals the estate tax. Below, Kaplan reveals a few more magical moments.
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 There's a science to knowing when to run into a burning building. According to Kaplan's research, you should wait until the smoke smells acrid before attempting to be a hero. That's a sure signal that the fire is burning food and not load-bearing wood. Of course, if the fire has burst through the windows, take a step back. That means the blaze is intense enough to burn through glass and should only be handled by a professional.
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 Aspiring authors should always pitch a publisher when they've written a story that hasn't been told yet. But be careful -- it can sometimes be hard to convince an editor to buy into your abstract idea. "When you sell to the public, the book is right there," says Kaplan. "But the publisher just gets this fluid, abstract idea. You sort of have to sell the future." You also have to be careful to time the release of your book. Kaplan says that Christmastime is obviously great if you're John Grisham, but smaller books should try and find a unique and appropriate release date.
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 Any aspiring apprentice should take note -- even a big shot like Donald Trump tries to make a deal when he shops on Madison Avenue. The Donald believes the best time to haggle is when you have nothing to lose. When he's buying gifts for the ladies in his life, he routinely sets a price ceiling and walks out if the store won't concede. "The key is to be able to walk out," says Kaplan. "Don't be so married to the idea of getting something that you'll pay any price. If you leave a few times, the store will make a deal."
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 Kaplan provides a trove of timing advice about gambling -- for instance, always wait to place bets on the underdog until the last moment, because amateurs go for the favorite and tilt the odds. But gambling is also a matter of being at the right place, and there are many spots in Vegas that increase your odds. For instance, the Bellagio casino has blackjack tables that use only single decks, allowing you to count cards. If you'd like to walk home with a hot chick and a pile of cash, the blackjack tables adjacent to the pools at the Hard Rock Hotel are a good bet. "There always seems to be a lot of girls from the go-go bars in that pool," says Kaplan.
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 The best time to get beaten up is, not surprisingly, when you're drunk. At least that's according to Harmony Korine, the writer of the shock flick Kids. In an attempt to make an insane, violent comic flick, Korine got buzzed and provoked people into beating him, filming the whole series of surreal fistic encounters for his yet-to-be released film, Fight Harm. As he became more battered and belligerent, police eventually took him to jail. Luckily his friend the cameraman helped bail him out. "The best time to be the boys from Jackass is when you have a friend nearby," says Kaplan.
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 After years of writing for magazines, Kaplan knows the perfect time to cinch that headline-making interview. "The best time is when the subject is in trouble," he says. "Wait until their life is spinning out of control. You get to see who they really are and you get the best story."
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Nobody wanted to be the last actor on set for the filming of The Houston 500. When porn star Houston boasted she would film a movie in which she'd have sex with 500 people in a row, the crowd of eager fans lining up to help out rivaled anything found at the DMV. At the end of the day, she bedded 620 people. While going first in this case was definitely best, there was also another perfect time to perform. "After doing the deed with 411 people, Houston iced down and smoked a joint," says Kaplan. "Maybe that would have been the best time of all."
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