A. It depends on your date. A good girl wears her panties under the garter, so they’re harder to remove. A bad girl doesn’t have the patience to unhook her hose.

Q. I found a collection of porn photos on my boyfriend’s computer. I don’t mind that he looks at porn, but he put my sister’s face on the photos! I’m not sure what to think. What does the Advisor say?
– J.C., Portland, Oregon

A. Look on the bright side — it could have been your mom. It doesn’t surprise us that your boyfriend fantasizes about your sister, given that he’s attracted to you. But pasting her face onto porn is further than most guys take it. Unless your sister is Britney Spears, you and he need to have a talk.

Q. When my girlfriend and I are in the heavy, panting, slippery phase of lovemaking, I will frequently spread my fingers like a fan and place my little finger in her anus, two fingers in her vagina and my index finger on her clitoris. If she’s in the doggie position, it’s reversed, with my index finger in her ass. I then stroke in and out. I’m always struck by the classic beauty of this move, which I call “the peacock tail” because my fingers are spread out. I’m wondering if there is some other name in the sexual archives that better describes it. — J.W., Boise, Idaho

A. We’ve heard it called the love glove, the trident or the double trigger. Typically the thumb is placed on the clit and the fingers advance from there, but you can arrange your digits in whatever manner your partner prefers. Make sure she is well lubricated and that your fingernails are trimmed. Your name fits nicely, especially since the peacock spreads his feathers to impress the hens.

Q. While stroking me during foreplay, my girlfriend slid a large rubber band over my cock and behind my balls. After a few more strokes and licks, she had given me the biggest, hardest erection of my life, and it seemed to last forever. My girlfriend loves this trick because it prolongs her pleasure. I am curious as to what it’s called and why it works. Are there any side effects?
– J.A., Austin, Texas

A. Your girlfriend improvised a cock ring. It works by restricting blood flow from the penis, which can heighten sensation and provide staying power. But a ring can cause serious damage if worn for more than half an hour (don’t fall asleep with it on). Avoid using metal or latex rings, which can only be put on or taken off when you’re flaccid. If the metal ring starts to pinch after you’re hard, you can either wait for your erection to subside (ice might help) or visit the emergency room. Latex rings are somewhat safer because you can snip them off, although that means placing a sharp point perilously close to your penis. We prefer leather rings that fasten with snaps or Velcro. The deluxe models have straps that separate the testicles or stretch each ball downward, if that’s your thing, and/or D-rings to which your lover can attach a leash. Rough, rough.

Q. When I party and can’t get an erection, I find myself still trying to get off. Even though my penis stays flaccid, I manage to climax. Is it healthy to ejaculate while soft?
– F.F., Trenton, New Jersey

A. In some ways booze is a version of hell — it makes you horny and impotent. But as you’ve found, you can cheat the devil. Erection, orgasm and ejaculation are separate physiological functions, which is why it’s possible to ejaculate without an erection (such as during a wet dream) or have an orgasm without ejaculating (the semen goes into your bladder to be dispelled later). Although we admire your persistence, it’s not healthy to consistently drink so much that you can’t get hard.

Help me with this. I’m in a bar with a date and excuse myself to use the rest room. When I return, a guy is hovering over my chair, talking to my date. I linger, play the jukebox, etc. I didn’t want to dive in like a possessive boyfriend. Later, my date said I should have come right back because the guy was a loser and she was dying to get rid of him. A week later, I’m on a date with another woman. This time when I come out of the john and see a guy talking to her, I head straight for the table, excuse myself and take my seat. My date later tells me that I acted like a jealous he-man claiming his turf and should have given her time to take care of the situation. I guess the only solution is to ask my dates before I take a leak, “If there’s a guy with you when I come back, how would you like me to handle it?” How does the Advisor deal with the man-in-my-chair situation?
– C.T., Santa Barbara, California

We put our hand on the back of the chair and say hello. It’s a bar, after all — lots of friendly people. But we’re confused by the women you’re dating. How hard is it to tell a chummy guy that you’re with someone? It’s OK to expect your date to save your seat.

I’d like to make an important point regarding the mile high club discussed in your column. The only people who can join are the pilot and his or her partner. Passengers, a.k.a. self-loading freight, do not qualify. A purist like myself also says the autopilot should not be used. Am I a member of the club? No, I am simply a pilot who hates to see what began as an exclusive club watered down for groundlings. I’ll earn my wings one day, and I will do so in a way I can be proud of.
– P.J., San Leandro, California

Now, now — we’re all in this together. Your standard is much too strict, and making love in the cockpit of an airborne plane is foolhardy. In our view, a pilot who’s having intercourse is freight on a pilotless plane. You fly, and let passengers take care of the sex.

 

I’ve been with my boyfriend for eight months. The relationship is wonderful and the sex is awesome. The other night we engaged in anal sex, which we have both done before, but this time I had a total emotional breakdown. My orgasm was accompanied by a crying episode so intense it took us both by surprise. Everything was great and I didn’t experience pain, but the tears came in buckets. Can you tell me if this is a normal reaction or why it happened?
– T.G., Memphis, Tennessee

It’s nothing to worry about. Many people experience an emotional release with the physical release of climax. Annie Sprinkle calls it a crygasm. “I’ve talked to so many women who tell me that when making love or having an orgasm they have a little cry at the same time,” she says. “It feels so good.” There was a time when lovers were expected to cry. “Eighteenth century novels are full of scenes that suggest or, in a few cases, represent orgasm with tears as the most sublime experience possible,” notes historian Tom Lutz, author of Crying: The Natural and Cultural History of Tears. “Weeping in love was considered the norm, and a lover who couldn’t weep wasn’t worth having.” In your situation, the intensity of anal sex may have played a role. The anus and rectum are more delicate than the vagina, and anal intercourse requires a great deal of patience, preparation and trust. We also carry more stress than we realize in our sphincters. Penetration requires the muscles to relax, and the tension can dissipate in ways that surprise us.

Last week I had a hot date. I cooked her dinner at my apartment, but the evening took a sour turn when she insisted on helping me make the salad and cut her finger badly. I checked my medicine cabinet and found only a few old bandages. I had to take her to the emergency room for a cut that I probably could have treated with the right materials and a little know-how. What basic first aid supplies should I have on hand for future emergencies?
– M.C., Watertown, New York

Unless you’re dating women who are accident prone or you’re a klutz yourself, you can get by with ibuprofen and aspirin, a few disposable, instant-activating ice bags, bandages and gauze pads of various sizes, antibiotic ointment and tweezers. To avoid other potential disasters, we’d add antacids, an antihistamine, contact lens solution, an extra toothbrush, lubricant and condoms.

Q. Here’s a situation described to me by a friend, and we’d like your opinion. A married man whose wife is out of town visits a bar with friends. He strikes up a conversation with an attractive woman. She too is married and her husband is away. They decide to have a nightcap at her place. Although the conversation is somewhat sexual, there is no physical contact. As the evening is winding down, the woman tells the man that she plans to masturbate after he leaves, and that she assumes he will do the same when he arrives home. She suggests they masturbate together. They disrobe and masturbate within sight of each other, but they never touch beyond a chaste kiss as he gathers his clothes to leave. Is this considered cheating?
– E.A., The Woodlands, Texas

A. You bet. The couple shared sexual intimacy, and that meets the definition of adultery even if the participants can’t see each other, such as during phone sex or while online. If the guy had returned home to masturbate, he might have escaped on a technicality. But his judgment would still be suspect — married guys generally don’t have nightcaps with women they meet in bars.

I’m a car-audio installer. An instructor at a training conference told me that clitoral resonance is 33 hertz, give or take, depending on the woman’s weight. This means that anything vibrating 33 times per second will cause the clitoris to resonate. Howard Stern made an example of this in Private Parts when he got a woman off by having her sit on a speaker, and just about any woman will respond to a bass note at that frequency if your subwoofer can play that low. Is there any truth to this?

J.B., Yuma, Arizona

Don’t touch that dial. The idea that 33 Hz is the optimal resonance to get a woman off originated with an experiment performed in 1992 by car-audio consultant Todd Ramsey. While on spring break in Daytona Beach, Ramsey and his buddies spent three days asking women to sit in the front seat of a Honda Accord. The crew then swept the frequencies from high to low on an 18-inch subwoofer, powered by a 1,000-watt amp, in the trunk. The women gave the thumbs-up when the vibrations felt best. Once Ramsey had crunched the numbers for about 100 volunteers, including making adjustments for their self-reported weights, he calculated that the optimal resonance for a woman of 115 to 125 pounds is 33 Hz. Not so coincidentally, he says, that’s about the same resonance as an idling Harley or a spinning washing machine. In 2001 Ramsey wrote about the CR (clitoral resonance) factor in Auto Sound & Security. “I’m still waiting for a call from one of the big automakers,” he says today. One CR disciple is Richie Warren, founder of Fuel records, which produces bass heavy music for car-audio systems. To promote Fuel at auto shows, Warren straps three models across the top of a Dodge Challenger and booms a 33 Hz tone “until they’re coming all over the car.” Ask your partner to sit on your quality subwoofer, hook up your computer to your sound system and sweep through the tones to find her number (the heavier the woman, the lower the frequency). The only downside is that she may leave with your stereo.

Q. I was in a relationship last fall, and the sex was terrible. She lay there and did nothing. The second and last time we had sex, I wanted to get it over with. So, after a respectable amount of time, I increased the pace, threw in some appropriate facial expressions and moans and pretended to come. I rolled off, removed the condom, threw it in the garbage and slipped into cuddle mode. I have told some friends this story and they think it’s funny, though a bit sad. Have you ever heard of a man faking it? I know I can’t be the first guy to try this.
– C.D., Fort Bragg, North Carolina

A. You and your friends are right on both counts: You’re not the first guy to try it, and it is rather sad. You’d be surprised how many men fake climaxes. They do it for the same reasons women do: They aren’t aroused by their partner or the intercourse and they want to get the situation over with. Others may have trouble coming because of exhaustion, intoxication or for medical reasons and fear how their partner will react. Faking an orgasm wasn’t the best way to handle the situation, and the deception seems like too much work to prolong a dud of a relationship. You should have withdrawn and asked your partner (gently) why she wasn’t responsive. She may have been as bored as you were, or inexperienced and unsure how to tell you what turns her on.

***

Q. At what point do two people become a couple? I say it’s the first time they’re expected to attend an event as a unit.

R.P., Bloomington, Indiana

A. We say it’s when they’ve both seen each other on the john.

An attractive woman lives down the hall from me in my apartment building. We’ve exchanged small talk, but that’s it. I often fantasize about her while masturbating. A few weeks ago the couple who live next door to me invited the woman to a barbecue. They asked her to bring me along. Puzzled, she asked why. The couple said they could hear us on some nights and assumed we were dating. When she told them we weren’t, it dawned on all of them that what they had been hearing was my moaning this woman’s name. A few days ago my neighbor—nice guy that he is—told me everything. I was speechless. He said the woman had seemed amused. I had wanted to ask her out, but now that seems comical. What should I do?

J.W., San Diego, California

The next time you beat off, put the other sock in your mouth. The only way to find out if the object of your affection was horrified, mildly amused or totally turned on is to ask her out for coffee. You’ll have your answer in a nanosecond. For the record, the women in our office—an open-minded group, to be sure—universally agreed that this revelation would creep them out. If you can score in this situation, no woman will ever again seem like a challenge. You may have the balls to fess up, but a better strategy might be misdirection. That is, say hello, apologize for not introducing yourself earlier, ask her name as if you didn’t know it, then lie: “That’s funny. My ex has the same name.” She may not believe you, but it could plant a reasonable doubt, and that’s all you need for acquittal.

Rios demonstrates (while clothed, with two female volunteers) positions on a segment from an Australian television program called “Vive Cool City.”

A representative for Rios says he isn’t associated with or happy about a firm called SexToyFun that sells a Sexerciseme ball with or without a butt plug, dildo and/or vibrator. “He has an universal patency to attach vibrators onto the ball, and unfortunately Sexerciseme took his idea after the Vive Cool City video hit You Tube,” she says. However, Rios is hard at work on a second book with new positions and looking for investors to manufacture his original vision. He also has a sexyballs app in the works for iPhone and Android.

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Are my old Playboys worth anything?

Most dealers are interested only in issues dated before January 1965 (and, more likely, issues dated before January 1956), although some have specific issues from later dates they’re looking for in pristine condition or will purchase entire collections or runs if there are enough valuable issues included. The first issue in excellent condition (no tears, folds, tape repair, water marks or discoloring) retails for $2500 to $3500, but very few remain that pristine after so many years. Issues from the first two years (1953-1955) can sell for hundreds of dollars, depending on the date and dealer stock (by 1956 we were printing a million copies a month). Issues from the 1960s, 1970s and 1980s are even more plentiful and usually only worthwhile for a dealer or collector if they are in pristine condition. Even then, they’re often worth less than $50 (and more likely less than $10). Production errors, such as duplicate pages, do not increase an issue’s worth.

You can get some idea of what issues are currently selling for among collectors by ordering a catalog for $10 (preferably as a cashier’s check or money order) from The Centerfold Shop, 1220 23rd Street, Suite 2PB, San Diego, CA 92102. The shop is not affiliated with Playboy, but its owner, Doug Tracy, has been buying and selling back issues for more than 30 years. Another resource is the price guide compiled by Tom Bonner of the Playboy Collectors Association, available for $12 from P.O. Box 653, Phillipsburg, Missouri 65722. Finally, you can peruse the online catalog of dealer Ken Ritchie at pbmags.com, which includes his want list. Always include a self-addressed, stamped envelope when writing to collectors or dealers.

If you have issues that a dealer would like to buy, he will typically pay between 20 and 50 percent of retail, depending on demand. So a magazine offered in a catalog for $100 is worth only $20 to $50 when you’re selling it. That’s why many people list their back issues online at sites such as eBay. These sites also can be helpful to get an idea of the demand for particular issues. You also may want to contact local magazine or rare book dealers (check the Yellow Pages for “Magazines—Used and Rare” or “Book Dealers—Used and Rare”).

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Can I visit the Mansion?

There are three ways to get into the Mansion that won’t get your photo posted in the security office: (1) be a beautiful woman and/or a personal friend of Hef’s, (2) purchase a ticket for a charity event held on the grounds (search Google for the keywords “Playboy Mansion party”), (3) join Playboy Access, which for a $1,500 annual fee provides members with a personal Playmate-led tour of the grounds, invitations to select parties, a visit to a photo shoot, free entry to the -Playboy Club in Las Vegas and discounted tickets to charity benefits, the jazz festival, the Super Bowl party, the golf scramble and other events. For info, email our concierge service at playboy [at] quintessentially.com or phone 800-444-7846.

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