On Tuesday night, Clavicular suffered an apparent overdose in Miami. The influencer, best known for his “looksmaxxing” philosophy, has reached unprecedented virality recently, his every move documented on his Kick stream then picked apart by fans and critics alike. His overdose was, unfortunately, no different. On April 14, Clavicular’s livestream ended after a few tense minutes in which his friends watched him get increasingly, head noddingly out of it, their faces melting from amusement to panic. Luckily, Clavicular seems to be OK. He was released from the hospital after what he called a “brutal” night. Posting a selfie of his face bloodied by a life support mask early on Wednesday, he wrote “All of the substances are just a cope trying to feel neurotypical while being in public, but obviously that isn’t a real solution.”

So why does Clavicular go to such extremes? In the past, he’s discussed smoking meth, smashing the bones in his face with a hammer, and injecting himself with testosterone acquired through the Internet at the age of 14. Days before the overdose, he told 60 Minutes Australia that all his efforts are for one simple cause: to look good. But in his post-overdose sincerity, Clavicular conceded an unspoken truth about his whole movement: it is all an attempt to make him something he is not, to make him feel more “normal” in a world he doesn’t quite understand. Clavicular’s use of the word “neurotypical” is interesting. It implies he is neurodivergent (a non-medical term used to describe people with a variety of conditions, from autism to ADHD to anxiety and more), and his drug use is an attempt to mask those symptoms. We don’t know whether Clavicular has any diagnosed condition, though he has self-identified as an “autist.” 

In an attempt to “cope” with what ails him, it seems that he hyperfocused on looks, inflating the stakes and assuming beauty could save him. Clavicular seems to feel as though he requires meth and steroids and whatever else can be smoked or injected in order to feel a sense of value within the livestreaming world of the manosphere, constantly in public because of it. There’s some bad news, though, and we nearly got a glimpse at that last night:  A culture whose only foundation is superficial beauty and antagonism only offers escalation—and that escalation can lead to early death.

Looksmaxxing, or the pursuit of maximizing your physical appearance at any cost, has always had insecurity seated just below the surface. The movement is filled largely with young men attempting to quantify and navigate what they view as a rigidly organized social hierarchy, one that prioritizes good looks above all else. They see being more handsome as the only way of achieving power, success, and by extension, happiness. They’re not wrong in seeing their looks as a way of making life easier, but they are wrong in seeing it as the only way. Being beautiful has not fixed Clavicular. As handsome and famous as he’s become, it still does not render him any more comfortable in the world. 

And so, he allegedly uses a variety of drugs to cope, some recreational, some for apparent physical benefits, some in between. And as a result, he’s caused his body great physical harm, to the point of needing a life support mask. He truly may have almost died and he would not have been the first in this universe to do so. Fifteen years ago, a 22-year-old known by the Internet name of Zyzz died in a sauna in Thailand after suffering a heart attack. In the years prior to his death, he obtained a cult following for his bodybuilding videos, transforming from a stringbean of a boy to a chiseled hunk. A proto-looksmaxxer, Zyzz popularized an emphasis on “aesthetics,” and is suspected to have utilized anabolic steroids. 

There are, of course, even darker places insecurity has driven men to go. The incel movement, for example, has spawned violence in the name of retribution. If they don’t feel at home in this world, they’ll take out the people who they think made them feel that way. Clavicular deeply denies being connected to incels—so much so that he walked out of that 60 Minutes interview when the journalist suggested a link. But looksmaxxing itself originated explicitly as an incel practice, Clavicular and incels both inhabit the manosphere, and both seem to have insecurity at their core. An obsession with appearance and a violent resentment of women both reflect a fundamental inability to deal with one’s own internal insecurities — not the ones that say you aren’t hot enough, but the ones that say there is something more rotten within you that can’t be fixed through good looks alone. 

Especially in that light, Clavicular’s statement in the hours following the overdose is one of radical honesty and vulnerability. It is brave and human to admit one’s struggles to conform to what we believe society expects of us. His statement is also a clear-eyed reminder that there is still time. He could turn away from this clout chasing black hole that feeds on division and contempt. There is a chance to refute the negativity spread before. He could totally turn things around and still be just as handsome and neurodivergent as he needs to be. And maybe he is turning things around. He was back on stream by Wednesday afternoon, but he told the thousands of fans watching that he wouldn’t do any substances for at least a while, “hopefully forever.” 

“Either practice mogging sober,” he said, “or find a new form of content. I don’t know.”