Your bag is empty.
Over the weekend, spurred by a tweet from our president that said if the attack on Dr. Christine Blasey Ford was “as bad as she says, charges would have been immediately filed,” the hashtag #WhyIDidntReport exploded as thousands of survivors stated why they didn’t report their assaults. From students ignored by school administrators to those who over the years convinced themselves to carry the blame, the flood has been devastating. I, myself, know that pain. When I was 16, my boyfriend (who was 23) raped me. Even my best friend told me that she’d talked to him, and he said I’d liked it, so I must have, right? I convinced myself it was my fault.
It’s hard for some men to fathom that men who have raped women, cornered women and masturbated at them, demoted women because they wouldn’t have sex with them, forcibly trapped women and exposed themselves to them—the list of creative ways men sexually abuse and harass is long—don’t deserve to just continue their lives as normal. And, boy, are they vocal about how much they don’t understand this.
When Louis C.K. returned to the stage recently after admitting to being a serial sexual abuser of women in the industry, he was greeted with obvious outrage. Even worse, women had to watch for a second time as the predictable wave of men descended to defend him and prove that there will always be men who don’t believe women, or worse, don’t care if we are assaulted or not. Now we’re all watching as the filling of a Supreme Court seat hinges directly on a Senate hearing over sexual assault allegations against Brett Kavanaugh. Despite the broad shift #MeToo heralded in the volume and depth of the conversation about sexism, we’ve yet to really decide what should become of the men on the other side of the #MeToo gavel.
In response to the Louis C.K. criticism, SNL’s Michael Che piped in on Instagram—after deleting his Twitter years ago due to accusations of sexism, mind you—that C.K. “has a right to speak and make a living.” Che also went on to label all women who have a problem with C.K. performing “Megans,” called C.K.’s actions “a mistake,” and said he had a right to “go on with his life.” To be clear, C.K. trapped female comedians and masturbated in front of them. That’s not a mistake, it’s systematic, premeditated assault. Yet again a man who thinks the reputation of one man is more important than the lives of the multiple women he hurt.
” There is hardly any legal relief for women in the battle we’ve been fighting since the dawn of time to own our bodies. And now society wants to tell us we can’t have a court of public opinion either. “
The logistical problem lies in that we so rarely legally convict and punish perpetrators of sexual assault, and have no organized, legal ramifications at all for harassment. Women are killed by their romantic partners at astounding, horrific rates because of our lack of structured policies for handling domestic abuse. Women routinely face tremendous difficulty getting restraining orders.
We have no framework for recourse, so we are trying to make our own. And yet we’re thwarted at every turn, accused of being liars, having our own pasts used to dissect our credibility, standing alone against an army of men who know that this guy would never do that, but this woman would totally try and ruin him.
When someone sexually abuses a child, they can hardly find a place to live for the rest of their lives because they’re on public-facing lists and restricted from proximity to school zones. You probably see where I’m going here, which is we as a society trust children more easily to report what has been done to them than we do grown women. Which shouldn’t be seen as a surprise seeing as the government sees zygotes and fetuses as having equal rights to the women carrying them.
When a man sexually abuses a woman, he takes a leave of absence until hopefully everyone forgets and he can resume life as normal—and that’s if it’s reported, taken seriously and dealt with. If women are having such a hard time convincing people of the veracity of their trauma with the high-profile men who’ve been accused, when it’s in the spotlight and other women are coming forward voicing support and congruent stories, imagine how incredibly hard it is to accuse someone who’s not famous. Imagine what all the men with no fame to lose and infinite power structures have done.
Most violent crime is perpetrated by men. Most sex crimes are perpetrated by men, and yet we have no avenues to defend ourselves that aren’t mired in bureaucratic road blocks, men who don’t believe us, media that slanders us and typically verdicts that don’t favor us or take years to end as vehement defense lawyers file appeal after appeal.
There is hardly any legal relief for women in the battle we’ve been fighting since the dawn of time to own our bodies. And now society wants to tell us we can’t have a court of public opinion either. We’re sick of it.
Despite how far we still have to go, it is inspiring and therapeutic to think about how drastically different the gender landscape is since just a year ago. We’re approaching the one-year anniversary of the unmasking of Harvey Weinstein as a predator—a watershed moment quickly followed by a newly galvanized cultural conversation about sexual assault. Many men have followed Weinstein, and many will continue. But the number of men who have been publicly dragged for their shitty behavior is laughable in comparison to every woman who will never know that satisfaction. Women have endured and persevered long enough, we deserve the right to take a few not good men down. And last time I checked, the patriarchy is still standing.