Seeking a Bae for the End of the World

Welcome to your new social life, where happy hours are conducted over Zoom and the only club you’re going to is DJ D-Nice’s Club Quarantine right in your living room.

As our new normal continues to shift, social distancing has caused all of us to adapt in ways we never even considered. But that doesn’t mean dating has to be a thing of the past.

Regardless of prohibitions against physical contact, singles are refusing to let this virus get in the way of finding everlasting love, or at the very least a quarantine bae—who could very well be your apocalypse partner, so choose carefully.

It makes sense that we crave connection the most when it seems forbidden.

Dating apps are seeing unprecedented spikes in activity, compelling them to pivot in ways that better serve the dating community given our new circumstances. According to CNBC, Bumble recorded a roughly 20 percent increase in some major cities. The app, which started offering in-app calls and video chats last summer, saw an increase of 21 percent in Bumble Video Calls just in the past week.

Meanwhile, Match.com initiated a Dating While Distancing hotline where users can submit questions to the company’s dating experts for free, 12 hours a day; Tinder has made its Passport feature free for all users until April 30; and Plenty of Fish has added a LIVE! feature, giving potential matches the ability to live stream and connect with each other.

Swiping has always been a form of boredom relief, but now users are actually taking their matches a step further without stepping out of the house. Video calls, Zoom dates and other forms of digital connection can make up for the lack of physical contact.

As with most things in life, this approach has its pros and cons. Let’s start with the cons.

Not everyone is looking for an actual relationship; some simply want a short-term partner to help make social distancing less lonely, and that’s totally understandable. Maybe all you really want is a texting buddy to remind you there’s life outside your front door. But given everyone’s extremely vulnerable state right now, it’s that much easier to fall into bonds that don’t actually hold weight. That’s why communication is so important here.

Regardless of how serious you take them, these relationships are going to be imprinted on your mind—Damn, I remember the pandemic of 2020. This guy Steve and I talked every day—so you need to be up-front about your intentions. If you’re just looking for a distraction to help pass this time, cool, but let people know that. Otherwise, you may come out of quarantine with 10 different relationships you never meant to cash in on.

Luckily, I feel there are more pros than cons to dating during a pandemic. (There’s a sentence I never thought I’d write.)

For one, when the survival of humanity seems to be in question, things get put into perspective. Your priorities shift, and you can let things go a little more easily, because, well, who knows what tomorrow will bring, so let’s make the most of today—safely, of course.

More important, this is a time when we can focus on actually getting to know the other person and being creative with our communication. When I asked my social media followers what the dating scene is like for them right now, many said the pandemic takes some of the pressure off because you get to just talk to the person before having to go out and worry about what comes next.

“It’s fun!” one user said. “Dating apps have come back to life, with people actually wanting connection and conversation. If nothing else, you learn about someone else and get good recommendations for music, TV, activities and more.”

Another said, “I like it because it forces both parties to slow down and actually get to know each other a bit more. Less of a rush to meet and dive all-in.”

Isn’t this the perfect opportunity to see who can remain consistent and put forth some effort—who can keep the relationship going and make you smile when everything around you is so bleak?

What boggles my mind is that when it comes to dating, and I’m talking about the root of cultivating connection, nothing has changed. Sure, the ability to go to actual bars and restaurants and see others in the flesh—maybe even touch them—has changed, but the capacity to nourish something that could become something greater has not.

The only difference is now that we don’t have the physical aspects to serve as a crutch, we can bypass all the bullshit and get down to the nitty-gritty: Do I enjoy talking to you? Are we showing mutual interest in learning about each other? In a time of turmoil, is this something that brings me joy? Am I able to finally let my guard down?

Whoa, we’re getting deep now.

And maybe that’s what dating during a pandemic is all about: Forgetting the nonessentials (no double entendre intended) and going straight for the real stuff, the stuff that can take months to get to because it’s scary and you feel vulnerable and exposed. Yet here we are, completely exposed, doing our best to make the most of it and maybe looking for someone to join us on our journey.

Kind of beautiful when you think about it.

Will this approach to dating continue after the pandemic has passed, or will we instantly revert to pre-coronavirus days, when most dating was done simply to fill a void without actually caring to invest in someone else?

I’m sure many will choose the latter. But I’m also hopeful that, for those who don’t take this experience in vain, it will unearth a side of them that maybe only the threat of global destruction could bring out: the courage to love and be loved in return.