Making coffee isn’t that difficult, but it’s a tedious morning task that few people look forward to. I myself am a particular brand of lazy who prefers to drive to the closest cafe in place of fiddling with coffee filters and estimating which bean-to-water ratio is best.
Now, thanks to a woefully unnecessary innovation, lazy assholes like myself or, you know, people who are genuinely in a rush, can brew coffee on-the-go with–get this–a phone case.
The mobile coffee-maker, known as Mokase, will create and pour a piping hot shot of espresso straight from your phone. How the hell could such a device work? Users insert a playing card-sized cartridge of espresso liquid–of which there are three different roasts that last up to three months–inside the brick-sized phone case. From there, users just open the app and start brewing.
The case has a built-in tube made from aluminum silicon, a material known to withstand dangerously high temperatures without releasing toxic substances, that will create and pour a teeny amount (25mL) of espresso with a swift tilt of the phone. The product also comes with a collapsable cup.
The case’s battery heats the espresso, taking the temperature to 140-degrees farenheight. According to the Kickstarter page–which is horribly translated from Italian–the coffee is “ready in seconds”, perfect if you plan to inconvenience a rushed woman by forcing coffee down her throat, as their tone deaf promotional video below suggests.
The phone case is available in white or black and retails for $55 dollars. If the project meets its goal, Mokase is scheduled for a September rollout. But since it has only earned €4,229 of its €75,000 goal, the reality of brewing coffee from your phone doesn’t seem likely. Because really, who gives a shit. Nobody needs coffee to be any more convenient than it already is.
In a suspicious turn of events, funding for the project was suspended on May 8. Maybe people burnt the shit out of their thighs when the device malfunctioned as we imagine in our worst nightmares.
See a video of how the Mokase works below.