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You wouldn’t necessarily know it from her bright smile and playful personality on social media, but Ari Kytsya is a shy person. She thrives under her work from home environment and enjoys being her own boss.
Kytsya finds a peaceful comfort in her work. The 25-year-old OnlyFans creator and influencer garnered 5.4 million followers on TikTok who watch videos of her applying rosy makeup, dancing with her boyfriend Yung Gravy, and demystifying the sex industry.
She’s also a total girl’s girl. When Kytsya was researching the work she wanted done on her face and body, she scoured social media for creators’ videos about their experiences. To be a resource for other people, Kytsya posts candidly about her own surgeries.
“After the first time I posted a video about work done, which was my boobs, I saw a lot of girls commenting, ‘Oh my God, I thought that they were real, and I literally was hating myself and wondering why my boobs didn’t look like that,’” she said. “And I was like, ‘All right, if I get anything else done, I’m just going to share about it because why do I need to hide it and also have people compare themselves to me if it’s not real?’”
Kytsya virtually hypes other women up and proves that “mattress actresses” contain multitudes. Months after she was invited to speak at Harvard Business School, Kytsya chatted with Playboy on Zoom about the growing female support of her OnlyFans content, falling for Yung Gravy, and protecting herself as a public figure.
What does a typical day in your life look like?
I usually wake up at like 6:30 or 7:00, and then feed my animals, do my makeup, do work on my computer — like messaging and making videos for social media as well — and then I actually don’t even do filming for my adult content every day. I try to do it a few times a month instead, just to have a good balance for myself. It works the best for me.
What are your favorite parts of the job?
I am able to make more content for women now because I have more women in my audience, which is really cool. So just being able to make a shift — before thinking that all of the content that I made needed to be what men expected and what they wanted to see, and now it’s more of just what I like to do. I’m portraying women in a way that I feel is good and that I would also appreciate to be portrayed in, versus the way that some classic porn would portray women.
When did you see that shift to more women watching your content?
When I stopped listening to managers that were telling me I needed to make a certain type of content online. I just got tired of doing the thirst trap videos that they were telling me to do and just started posting the things that I wanted to, and I found myself having more women on my page while I was doing that.
I love how you talk about feeling empowered by running your business the way you want to in an industry controlled by men. How do you take back that power?
I think just realizing that nobody really needs men in this industry. There’s nothing that they add, and it took me a while to realize that. Especially with being new in the industry, you have so many men being like, “Hey, you need my management company. You need me to do this. Oh, I can tell you all of these things and make you so much money,” and they’re so convincing. And so it even took me a few years to realize that I didn’t need any of those men to add to anything. They weren’t really benefiting me in any way even though I thought that they were. So just being able to do everything myself, honestly, and just everything in my own hands, like the type of content that I make, if I decide to make a video today or not, if I decide what I’m wearing and what I’m doing and how I act online and how I talk online and even how I talk in my videos. In the past, I would have a guy telling me like, “Oh, you’re not talking sexual enough and you don’t sound girly enough. Can you make your voice a little bit higher, like squeakier?” And I’m like, “Well, this is my voice.” So [laughs] I guess now just being fully myself and not trying to fulfill all of what people would expect from you or what a man would expect from you in the industry.
I saw that you initially slid into Yung Gravy’s DMs. How did the conversation go from there?
It was kind of short, honestly. I just had slid into his DMs and told him to add my Snapchat, and he said, “Just this once, I suppose.” And we talked a little bit after that, and then I went to LA. I acted like I wasn’t going to LA to see him, but I was just going to see him…So we hung out — that was like five years ago — and then found ourselves back together.
What drew you to him initially?
That he’s funny and not trying to be cool. Yeah, definitely funny and hot and tall [laughs]. But funny always is the top for me and just not trying to fit in with everybody else.
What’s your favorite thing about your relationship?
I can just be fully myself. I feel like we balance each other out very well, and we’re very similar. We both have a good sense of humor. But I think one of my favorite things is that I am a shy person or an anxious person, and he always gives me that space to be that shy person but also gives me the space to explore outside of that. And if I want to try to be an outgoing person, he gives me the support and encouragement to do that, but also doesn’t expect me to be like a super outgoing, talkative person — I feel like I’m on my therapy call [laughs]. I always have that super comfortable feeling with him and that I can just fully be me.
Was there a specific moment when you knew he was your person?
Yes. We were trying to find dresses for, I think it was the Kentucky Derby or something, and I was with my older sister and her boyfriend. And I was trying on the dresses and we were fully in some fucking department store, and I was making a joke but I told him to get down on the floor and bark for me. But he fully did that in the department store and in front of my sister and her fiancé and I was like, “Okay.” That level of confidence and not caring even though I was joking. I was like, “I like that.”
How do you avoid jealousy in your relationship?
We just have our conversations about our boundaries, and we talk before we do anything. We always have a conversation like, “Hey, what are you comfortable with? Okay, like, these are our boundaries for this specific situation.” We have a pretty good understanding of what each other is comfortable with, but also, if there was something that I was uncomfortable with, it’s so easy for me to just tell him like, “Hey, I didn’t feel that comfortable.” And he’d be like, “Oh, okay. I’m sorry. I’ll make sure that next time…” You know? It’s always a really easy and safe space to bring up concerns if there was because it never turns into an argument.
So I think that also both having the mindset of somebody saying they’re uncomfortable with something also wasn’t them attacking you makes it really easy to avoid a lot of situations where you could be jealous. A lot of people in their relationships have jealousy from the past, and I think the thing that is the biggest for me is just anytime I’ve ever thought the slightest thought of like, “Oh, well, what about this before?” I’m like, “Well, that has nothing to do with me.” So I always try to remind people …[that your partner’s relationships before you have]nothing to do with you. You were not there. Or numbers of bodies and stuff, I think that’s just the easiest way to not be jealous is just like, “Well, I wasn’t there, so it doesn’t matter.”
What are your non-negotiables in a romantic partner?
Being very confident, I think that is like the number one thing for me. I think also just having respect for others is definitely super important for me because I feel like you can definitely be embarrassed by people that are not respectful to others. One other would be just not giving a fuck about what anyone else thinks — I think that is a really good trait to have. And maybe having a dog or something and liking cats. I feel like [it’s a] red flag if a guy doesn’t like cats.
How do you maintain both of your jobs as a sex worker and influencer while prioritizing personal safety?
That’s actually kind of tricky. I don’t actually really know how to stay super safe in this industry without having to consistently be paying money, which is really unfortunate that you have to pay in order to keep yourself safe. I have people come to my house all the time, and I, in the past, had to have physical security at my house, and even that for a month was just insanely expensive for somebody that makes a good amount of money. It’s insane how much that is when there are so many people in the industry that don’t have the budget to protect themselves, and it’s even an impossible number for me to even think about.
I think being online in general, as a woman especially, can be very dangerous, because I’ve seen so many other people that aren’t in the industry post stories about having stalkers and followers come to their house. I currently have somebody saying that they’re going to kill me because somebody scammed them online that wasn’t me, that was pretending to be me. I went to the police, and the police are like, “Oh, we’re sorry. Let us know if it gets worse.” And I’m like, “Okay, so I’ll wait until they kill me, I guess.” I think that’s one thing that I always try to tell people about being in the industry especially is that it is really hard to be able to protect yourself and guarantee that you are safe 24/7. At least being online makes me feel a little bit more comfortable and safe than working in person would, but not everybody has that option.
How do you cope with all of the anxiety that comes with that?
I just got a therapist, which also costs money. I just feel very lucky and privileged that I am able to actually have those resources. It makes me feel better that I don’t have my real name online and that I don’t give out specific information about myself. I also have two dogs that are big and scary and a big boyfriend that I stay with every night.
What are your biggest tips for protecting yourself as an online personality?
I think my biggest tip, which is something that I feel like would have helped me a lot if I knew this before, is … don’t use your real name. Anything that you buy, you should have a business card that you buy your things on so it’s not under your name. And then also if you are to buy a home or any big thing like a car, you should be buying it under a trust, so that if somebody were to see your license plate or look up your address, it would just say a random ass trust name instead of your legal name.
I love how authentic you are on TikTok, from sharing stories about your time at college to your stomach issues. How did you find that comfort talking about aspects of your personal life online?
The most comforting thing is seeing other women say that I’m creating a safe space for them to also share all of these things that they feel like they can’t share in other places. Because it’s usually things also that I’m like, if you really think about it, like why do we not talk about them? And one of the things that really gives me comfort in sharing all of these things is seeing, especially women that are like in their 50s or 60s, comment on my videos and say like, “Oh, I wish I could have talked about these things when I was 20.” Then they’ll go on to share a whole story about them or something that they do that they felt like they couldn’t talk about. And seeing somebody who has held those things in for so long be able to share it makes me feel so great and encourages me to keep sharing so that other people can have that space as well.
You said your audience used to be more men, but now it’s 83% women. What does that mean to you?
Before, the understanding was women hate sex workers, and they hate porn stars because … their husbands are watching it, so they hate the women in the industry. And I think it’s been really awesome to be able to give people a different view of the industry and how people actually are and that we’re real people. And that whether or not somebody is consuming my porn, I still am a person that has other enjoyable aspects of them and a personality and a different life as well. But also, the space for women, I don’t think that I even created it. I think the women in my audience also just started creating it and encouraging this openness and fun, while also being sexual. I think it’s really cool to see that that’s the kind of thing that a lot of women enjoy.
How do you recharge after a stressful work week?
Honestly, I feel like by working [laughs]. Especially with videos that I’m creating, I enjoy doing them and I enjoy talking and doing makeup is one of the things that is fun for me and is calming. And doing art and creating has always been something that I do. If I’m anxious, I’ll just randomly do a full face of makeup or make a craft. So being creative is a calming thing for me, and my work, being creative is really helpful and makes it something that I’m able to do 24/7. I think the main thing that’s stressful for me is social media, and I feel like if I have a stressful social media work week, I just will focus more on making better porn.
What was your experience like speaking at Harvard Business School this past April?
It was so awesome to be able to go there and be somebody that is sharing experiences in the industry and giving people who I would assume — which is probably bad to just assume — would not maybe be people that are that accepting of the industry or just that work fully in the opposite world of the industry. So it was just really cool to be able to share my experiences there and also share the business side of it with them. And it was cool to see how interested everybody was in hearing about it. I think just the questions that people were asking and me being able to have an answer that is educated. I’m not a business girl, but it’s kind of the same as any other business that I would start myself.
What did you learn from interacting with the students?
I learned that I actually know a lot more about business than I thought [laughs] because I was able to answer some of the questions that I was like, “Oh, no. I’m gonna be scared when they say a big-ass word,” and I was like, “Wait, actually, I know what I’m doing, guys.” I think something else that I learned was just because … people in the industry may not have gone to business school for four years and learned all the specific terms and percentages and specific ways that you’re supposed to do it,… I’ve been in the industry for four years, and I’ve created this business by myself and I still am doing just as well as somebody that went to business school. I think that it’s just really sick that people in the industry are usually fully self-taught on how to make a business, and they fully learn that themselves, and it’s really awesome to see people in the industry that are successful. Everybody that’s in the industry online, at least in terms of paywall sites, they fully have their own business that they built, and it’s honestly not that different from a regular business.
You’ve spoken about receiving hateful messages and comments. How do you brush them off?
I just think about how I would never leave a hate comment on somebody’s thing unless I was so depressed and sad or something or I just hated myself. I just remind myself, any time I ever think negatively about somebody, it’s always just been because I’m jealous. And so I just like to think of that or that maybe they’re just not having a good day. Half the time it’s a grumpy-ass old guy or a 14-year-old kid. If it was in real life and a kid said something to me, I would just not care because they’re a fucking kid. Or if there was an old-ass guy that said some shit to me in person, I would probably just be like, “Ew, get the fuck away from me.” So got to think of it the same way.
What’s the most supportive message you’ve ever received?
I get a lot of similar ones every day, but I think the most supportive and that makes me feel good to see is when people say that I helped them with their confidence and the way that they see themselves.